Constructive criticism? Wait a minute… are you trying to tell me there is more to regular criticism? Yes! There actually really is. You see, I was never connecting well with criticism, because I didn’t see much good in it. The problem on my side was, that I automatically connected it to bad past experiences, instead of digging deeper into what it actually is, and looking at the good that can come out of it.
If you feel some kind of way when it comes to criticism also, it’s time to look at it from a different perspective 😊… Constructive Criticism. A good kind when it comes to criticism. It’s supportive, and can be very helpful and uplifting.
Constructive Criticism VS. Criticism
The experiences I dealt with in the past were mostly deconstructive. So when the opportunities came for constructive criticism, I was completely shut down and defensive from the very beginning, because I felt like it was all going down the same path. The deconstructive kind of criticism is as it say, destructive. It is hurtful, and keeps pointing out the flaws, and failures in negative ways. On the contrary, the constructive criticism is about offering suggestions, and being uplifting in order to get to improvement.
The Brittanica Dictionary defined criticism as: “The act of expressing disapproval and of noting the problems or faults of a person or thing; The act of criticizing someone or something”. It was interesting as I continued looking for good definitions of criticism. They all described it as a not so positive thing, so no wonder can’t see that much good in it. However, then I came across constructive critics, and the whole point of view changed up a little bit.
What is Constructive Criticism Good for?
Constructive criticism is used in a positive way. The purpose is to help improve. It is used for people to advance and do better. The problem is, many people don’t know about it, or don’t know how to use it the right kind of way. A big problem is that constructive criticism is supposed to be given with a helpful attitude. It’s supposed to be given with compassion towards the other person. And many people criticize in the moment of anger… so there isn’t much compassion being shown.
I’m sure you’ve been criticized before, right? The kind of criticism that wasn’t very uplifting, and made you feel like that small person that you definitely are not? Or perhaps the kind of criticism that just had you explode back on the other person, and it made it all seem like it was all your fault? Yea, there’s absolutely nothing positive in that kind of criticism. But let’s try to switch the perspective of our focus a little bit and try to see something positive in it all. Ready?
You see, when we receive constructive criticism, it can be a great eye opener to us. The criticism can point to things we’ve been overlooking in the past, or maybe haven’t considered before. It helps us to improve and do better. It’s a great tool to try new things, and test to see if it is something we actually like or not.
When Feeling Judged…
One of my biggest issues with criticism was that I would always take it very personal… I always assumed it was a personal attack on my character, on me as a person, or on my skills that I thought I rocked. Once I discovered there actually is a thing called constructive criticism, I slowly learned to see it as a tool that is meant for me to grow, and to learn. And in the end, it is still my decision what to accept, and what to just brush off. When you receive criticism, positive and negative, it can help you grow, and get better if it’s being used the right way.
You decide who to accept criticism from! It’s been very interesting how the constructive criticism in my life has come from the people that showed how much they care. Great friends. The good bosses, and people in higher management that weren’t afraid to show that they care about their employees. I can always reach out to them and ask them for their opinion… but they’re not the ones that feel like they have to get into everyone’s business. They’re not the ones that share their two cents on every small little thing. They’re not the micro-managers. This is the moment where boundaries play a big role.
If you don’t want to hear someone’s opinion on something, you are allowed to say that to them. If someone criticizes you, who you do not want to hear criticism from, you can shut that down. You don’t have to take anything you do not want to. But be open to the constructive criticism from the people you pick, the people you know that truly care about you, and root for you. The people that will do it the right kind of way, and have a positive influence in your life. Take the criticism from the people that are here to see you flourish.
Switching the Way of Thinking
Alright… Now it’s time to train ourselves to receive criticism in a healthy way. Don’t feel bad at all if in the past you reacted in defensiveness, or anger. That’s normal human nature. And if you are ready to start seeing the good in criticism, you will overcome this. You know what they say… ‘Where there is a will, there is a way’ 😊.
This week, and the coming weeks, pay attention to when you hear someone criticizing you. Pay real close attention what your reaction is that’s trying to come out of you. Is it a reaction? Are you trying to respond in anger? Is it in emotion? And then, try to stop it right then and there before it comes out. A co-worker of mine gave me great advice once when I wanted to send a not so nice email in response to someone else’s action. He said, sit down, and count to ten, and then see how you feel about it. It was funny how I got a lot nicer and more professional again within ten seconds.
And Taking Action to Recognize it
Once you make it to stop your reaction, try to find and focus on the benefits you can get out of the positive criticism. First, ask yourself, who is the person that is giving you criticism? Is it someone that values you? Is it someone you want to hear criticism from? If it is a person in your life that matters, then try to listen. Fully listen to what the person is actually really trying to say. Do you remember a moment in a conversation when you weren’t fully listening because in your mind you were already thinking about how you were going to respond to them?
The next huge step is showing appreciation of the criticism, if you do really appreciate it. Don’t be afraid to thank them for it, even when you’re not fully agreeing with it. And now comes the time where you get to fully analyze what the other person said, and you get to choose what you would like to do with it. One simple way to try to figure out whether it’s good or bad criticism for you, is asking questions in order to get deeper into it. Once you get the good out of it, take it and run with it. If it comes to the surface as destructive criticism, brush it off, let it go, and recognize it as not your problem, because they’re not looking for the best for you.
So… take this week to make you stronger 😊. It’s time to see things a little bit from a different point of perspective, and not base it only on past experiences we’ve had. We are trying to grow, mature, and improve, right? Keep going… You got this!