Baggage Claim… Emotional baggage claim specifically. We talked about it last week… How important it is to release the baggage claims we picked up throughout life. That’s what needs to happen in order to get out of the survival mode, and enter the mode where we get to live life to the fullest. You see, because here is the thing we tend to overlook… Entering a relationship with lots of baggage on your back and shoulders, plays a huge role of the direction where that relationship goes in the near future.
The Baggage Claim Begins in the Friendships
We’re going to be completely honest here. We’ve all had those friends in our circle before: The negative Nancy. Everything is negative. ALL THE TIME. There is always negative criticism. When they don’t have a great day, they don’t want you to have one either. Then, you have the Karen. The friend that goes behind your back, and tends to snitch here and there to make themselves look better. They hide behind the bushes, and just wait for the right opportunity. They expect to get what they want, when they want it.
There is the Debbie Downer. That friend drags you down whenever possible. They try to make you see and believe that there is no such thing as a positive thing. Nosy Nelly, their nose is in everyone’s business around them. I could go on and on… but you kind of get the picture here. Those are people that have picked up a lot of baggage throughout their life, and just aren’t willing to let it go. And the thing is, we attract those kind of ‘friends’ without even realizing it, because we are carrying around our baggage, and feel understood by them since they are in similar situations as we are. Often, we attract those kind of friends, without even realizing it, because we don’t realize, or don’t want to admit what baggage we come with, or carry around.
Again, it leaves us in survival mode, but we don’t really get to live if we stay in that negativity. So, if you’re ready for better, good quality relationships to be built, it’s time to see the truth about our life, and unpack our bags.
Was Mom Really Right About it?
When mom used to say: ‘Be careful who you surround yourself with…’, it didn’t really make sense to me at that point. I thought it really wasn’t that big of deal. But looking at it now, I realized that it really does have major influences on your life, your lifestyle, and decisions you make. It influences you how you respond to things. Sometimes it sneaks in on you, without you even seeing it in the moment, and it can be really challenging to break the habits later on. But those are small things you pack in your bag as you go.
Something else is the influence of family… what you see and experience as you grow up. Those are major things you pack in your bag as you go as well. And it’s hard to release and let go those things out of the bag at a young age, because who do you talk about it with, since you won’t be able to talk to the family about it? So you start keeping it in the bag, and start carrying it around as you go.
Another big thing is past relationships. Any relationships really. Be honest, think back on a failed relationship, maybe even friendship. And that person lied to you. Now, when you enter another friendship, you come all prepared and extra careful wondering if that next person is lying too. It takes you a little longer to fully be able to trust that person, because you’re not starting fresh from ground zero… even though you’re supposed to for fairness toward that person… but it’s just not that simple to do. You packed something in your bag, and are not just letting it go.
It is good to learn from things that happened to you, and it is great to use it for the good for yourself. But if you keep carrying around with you, for no good at all, it will harm you, and not benefit you in any way.
When it’s Not for Us to Baggage Claim
Here is something we don’t realize often… we claim baggage that is not for us to claim. We try to pick up baggage that is not ours, because we want to be supportive, we want to be great friends, we want to help in any way possible. But I am going to say it like this: WHEN IT’S NOT OUR BAGGAGE, IT IS NOT FOR US TO CLAIM IT.
Think about it… When you’re at the airport, at the baggage claim. You can’t just claim any baggage, right? You only get to pick up yours. If you take baggage that isn’t yours, you get in trouble. So what makes you think it’s different emotionally? Is it more okay to do it emotionally because there is no physical security around watching you? It’s time to be your own security, and watch what baggage is being claimed that is not for you to claim.
If you carry a lot of baggage, when entering a relationship, it brings it down. It brings a lot of trust issues. Sometimes, it leads you to get into toxic, abusive relationships. Think about it… You’ve been in a relationship in the past, where you’ve just been left hanging. Maybe, you’ve made this huge effort to make things work, and the other person ended up hurting you, maybe they cheated. Now you feel completely left alone, and lonely, so you’re ready to enter any type of relationship, just to feel loved.
Because of your previous relationship, you don’t take the time to unpack the bags, and heal from the that relationship. And you just run into another one, without taking the time to see who that person is. You try to just have a better relationship, to do better. You want to proof to yourself, and the world, that you can have a good one too, or to proof that you can turn a person around for the good as well. But that’s not your job.
When you enter another relationship with the baggage from the past, it is not fair towards the next person either. You will not treat them fairly, because often they have to pay out for what previous relationships have done to you, and for how they made you feel like. That’s why taking time to heal is so important. Unpacking baggage is so important. If you don’t take that time, many relationships are set up for failure from the very beginning.
The Greatness in Unloading
This week, it’s time to look a little closer into our bags, and unpack some of the baggage that is time to let go, for our benefit, and the people we are surrounded with that we truly love. Take some time this week, and write down some things from your past that you know truly hurt you. It can be bigger things, it might be smaller things, but that were pretty major to you. If it was a best friend hooking up with an ex of yours, write it down. Put it all down on paper where you can see it, and look at it.
Now, as you take a look at it, be completely honest with yourself, and find out what still influences you to this day. Could it be due to a lack of trust? Maybe it’s still being carried around because you’ve never told anybody about it? You’ve just never taken the time to unpack it, because you thought no one would understand, or make it ‘not a big deal’, when to you it actually was? Unpack it.
If you have a trustful person you can talk about it with, do it. Maybe you’d not talk with a person about it with, write it down, journal about it… that’s completely okay too. Choose what is best for you, and what you’re comfortable with. If someone hurt you, write them a letter, that never even has to be sent out to them, but for yourself. Pray. Talk to God about it… about the situation, about how you feel. Be straightforward.
As I close this week, let me finish it with saying this… You owe it to yourself. Because you are worth so much more than any diamond in the world. You don’t want to continue carrying around baggage, and hunch all over yourself. Jumping from one failing relationship to another. No. It’s time to see how you deserve the absolute best. The Journey might not be the easiest to go through, but you are not alone in this. It is completely worth it once you see the results from the steps you had to take to get there. Keep going! YOU GOT THIS!!!
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