The Circle of Friends We Desire

A lot of us have a strong desire for the ‘right’ circle of friends. Of course we do. That’s normal. Especially when we’ve had bad friendships in the past. Let’s talk about that in a little bit… And what better time to talk about that than at the beginning of a brand new year? Before that, I want to ask, how was your holiday time? How did it go? Tell me about it… the good, the bad, what you liked, what you didn’t like, how you felt through it. What are some things you wanted to go different? All about it.

Okay, now to the circle of friends we are looking for and want. For the longest time, me as an extrovert, I just wanted a huge circle of friends. Finding out later down the road that isn’t necessarily always the best to have. Instead of having a big circle, it is a lot better to have a small circle with great quality friends in your circle. Now here was another issue of mine… how do you know which ones to pick and which ones are considered ‘good quality’ friends? Sounds familiar at all?

Who is in Your Current Circle of Friends?

What kind of friends are you wanting in your circle of friends? Or who should you pick to surround yourself with? You see, not all the people around you have your best interest at heart, not all of them care about you. Many have no idea how to value you. And sadly, not all of them have a good impact on you. That’s definitely something I had to learn the hard way. It was tough, but it was a truth that had to be accepted and recognized in order to protect myself and do better going forward. I just wanted to do better. I wanted to grow and mature, and not just stay stuck in where I am. A lot of the people I surrounded myself with had the tendency to keep me there… right where I was at. Or pull me back even, when I started to grow.

First, we need to answer the important question of why it is important to surround yourself with the right people. Here is the thing… The people you surround yourself with, have a huge impact on your life. One way, or the other. When I was younger, adults kept telling me how important it is to pick the right people to hang around with. I kept thinking ‘why is that such a big deal? Lonely people need friends too…’. And I also tried to convince them that I am much stronger than other people and wouldn’t let their negative influence take me over. Instead, pour my positivity into them. Yea, it didn’t quiet go that way. That was one of those moments where I thought I needed to fix people, which was never my job to do in the first place.

The Impact People Have on You

The people you decide to surround yourself with influence more than just your day to day life. Believe it or not, your circle of friends influences a big part of your emotions, your thoughts, as much as your behaviors. So when a person tells you to choose wisely… they are right!

When you spend time with the ‘wrong’ person, you waste your time. And time is too valuable. Currently, I’m in a phase, a chapter of my life where I am trying to figure out my purpose. I want to reach my full potential! If I surround myself with the negative people, if I pick the wrong kind of friends, they will make it much harder for me to get there. It happened before… I got too close to people that I love very much, but they held me back from getting to where I wanted to go. Sometimes it wasn’t on purpose. It was just because they were okay with where they were.

The Influence to Success

When you surround yourself with positive people, people that are working towards success, those are the people that help you reach your goals and grow in your own life. Have you been around a person before where everything they said to you was negative? Once you walked away from that person, you felt drained. Maybe you weren’t sure why. It’s almost like a burden from them was passed unto you. Or maybe you had a friend that you talked with and told them about a great idea, or accomplishment you had on your mind. Instead of being excited with you, you felt like you are being dragged down. Do you remember how you felt after that conversation? It wasn’t very encouraging or uplifting, was it? Perhaps you even walked off and didn’t ever want to talk about it again. What’s the good in that?

Being surrounded by the wrong kind of people won’t allow you to have the good, deep relationships we strongly desire. The good relationships take place when you connect with someone on a deeper level. It’s when you get to talk with someone about deeper things. You build great relationships with the people you get to laugh with. Laughter is healthy. And laughter is not possible when it’s constant negativity. Surround yourself with the uplifting people for your own good.

Negativity, Spread Like a Virus

Once, I had someone tell me that negative people are like a virus. I thought that was a little rude to say. But once I was surrounded by a negative person for a while, I recognized the truth. It really did feel like something was passed unto me when I walked away. Sometimes you walk away feeling discouraged, or it makes you feel like you’re not good enough or can’t do what you believed you could before. It holds you back from making progress. That’s not good and you don’t want that for yourself.

But when you have support and positivity, you feel empowered. When you have the right circle of friends around you, they uplift you to continue going when you feel like walking out. They help you grow, reach your goals and believe in yourself. With the right people, you are motivated and encouraged to reach great success in life.

So, where does this all start? You might already have a circle of friends at this point, or maybe you’re starting completely fresh. Either way, it all starts with you. The way you act, think and behave impacts who you attract. Where are you standing at this point in time? Find out who you are at this time… Recognize what you like about yourself and what you would like to change going forward.

Recognize the Roots to Start a Change

Once you recognize those things, try to look into what the roots are of it. Do you feel like you’re not good enough because a parent kept telling you that when you were a young child? Could it be that you were picked on in 1^st or 2^nd grade? Are you currently surrounded by people at this point that went through the same situations, but aren’t looking to get out of the victim role? How about going forward we look for a person that went through similar things, but no longer wanted to stay in that role? What did they do to get out of it?

We attract what we are. If you want quality people in your life, you have to be willing to exhibit quality in your behavior. How are you currently treating the people around you? Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt you were doing all the work? That’s not good quality and not a healthy relationship. Start to build qualities that build stronger good relationships. Keep in mind to set boundaries… that reflects to others that you come with qualities and expect the same in return. Develop qualities like respect, being honest, actively listen and truly pay attention. Make sure you work on acceptance.

Recognizing by the Response

When you are generous to others, pay attention to their response. That lets you know at an early stage what kind of person you are attracting. If they are responding with no gratefulness, that’s not the person to surround yourself with. When you give to someone and notice how it inspires kindness in someone else, that’s a positive, grateful person. Work on developing a positive attitude. At the end of the day, start by finding things from the day to be grateful for, even if it was just something simple and basic. With a positive attitude you attract quality people. Start seeing things from a positive perspective.

To meet new people and make new connections, you might have to step out of your comfort zone. Take a look and see if there is an event coming up that people with similar interests could possibly attend. Going forward, pay attention to the response of the current people in your circle of friends. Tell them about an idea you are having and pay attention to their reaction. If you recognize support and positivity, those are great. If they drag it down, it’s time to let them go. Slowly withdraw yourself from that relationship. It’s time to let go of the toxic relationships.

One Step at a Time

I could go on and on, but this should give you the first steps to take. This week, focus on recognizing who you currently have in your circle of friends. Start to sort them out. Next week we’ll focus more on who the people are that you want to surround yourself with. What are the good quality people we’ve talked about here and the benefits of it. Let me know how everything goes… the struggles, the hurdles to overcome, all of it. Keep in mind, you are absolutely not alone and wanting to make changes and do better is a huge accomplishment. Be patient and graceful with yourself. YOU GOT THIS!