The Imposter Syndrome… A lot of us have heard the term before. But a lot of us also have no idea what that is, what it means, or what it also includes. Also, a lot of us have no idea how often we’ve fallen into it, or still are in it without even knowing or realizing it.
When I first heard the term ‘Imposter Syndrome’, I wasn’t sure what to think about it. Of course the first thoughts were: “Syndrome… that most definitely must be a sickness, or disease. Definitely a bad thing.” But once I actually did a little bit of digging, I got the revelation that it actually is not at all what I thought it is.
So let me start by saying… The Imposter Syndrome defined by the WebMD is: ‘If you tend to doubt your own skills and accomplishments, despite what others think, you may have imposter syndrome. It’s not an actual mental health condition. But this term (also known as imposter phenomenon, fraud syndrome, or imposter experience), describes someone who feels they aren’t as capable as others think and fears they’ll be exposed as a fraud.’
Imposter to be Approved
In other words, you pretend to be someone you are not, in order to get approval by others. You don’t believe that you are enough the way you are, so you use different ways to portray yourself differently to others. And when you live your life that way, it actually makes it pretty hard. Think about all the hard work you have to put into it… To be someone, or rather make people believe you are someone you are not. You are working so hard to try to make people believe for you to be a person that you are simply not.
A lot of us don’t realize when we are in that box. And often, we’ve been pushed into it with things that happened to us throughout our life so far. Perhaps, one of the reasons is the way you’ve been raised. When constantly being compared to others, it pushes you towards wanting to be like those people you are being compared to. Maybe you’ve been bullied, and just simply carried that with you all along. And you end up trying to portray yourself a certain way because you are afraid to be bullied again. Or maybe to protect your heart from ever being seen as it truly is, because it’s been hurt. You pretend… You imposter. And if you’re tired of it, now is the time to face it, face the truth, and get out of it to make it all a little easier for yourself.
Recognizing the Imposter Characteristics
As I mentioned before, this is not to be hard on yourself, or to judge yourself in a harsh kind of way. Instead, see it as a learning curve. A moment of improvement in your own life. It is a big moment to celebrate, because you are no longer running, and pretending. Instead you are getting to know yourself, and wanting to do better going forth. And that’s huge! This is another step where you’ll have to have a lot of grace and understanding on yourself.
There are so many terms that describe and are included in imposter. A pretender, or ‘fake’ as today’s society calls it. Have you had the so called ‘friend’ before? They pretended to have your back, and then later you found out they stabbed you right in the back? We went and told someone: ‘Oh, he/she was fake!’ You remember that? We’ve seen those people all along… Perhaps you have a co-worker that drags people all over the place, and you are so annoyed. But reality is, it’s not because of you. It’s them trying to have people believe that they are someone, they simply are not.
But have you realized the moments when you were stuck in that same thing? I know I did a lot of pretending as a teenager and young adult. Constantly did I try to ‘fit in’, some type of way. I would pretend to like some type of music, and dress a certain type of way, because I wanted to ‘be cool’ also… There was a major fear to not be accepted. I would make up completely unreal stories just for the attention I was craving so hard from people.
And Then it Hit Me…
Then the moment came, and realization hit me… I am only going to ‘be really cool’ when I am myself. That’s when I started having real friends. I started to really live and enjoy life to the fullest. Realization hit me, that I had to stop pointing my fingers at the people around me. I had to stop trying to manipulate in certain type of ways, and just simply look and accept who I am. And everything started changing and turning for the good 😊.
If you continue staying stuck in the imposter syndrome, you are cheating yourself from so many different things. But most of all, you are cutting yourself short from living life, and living life to the fullest. A lot of the imposter syndrome probably started when you were young. You were being criticized by people close to you in an extreme way, and that affected you. And that’s normal. As a child you try to impress, and accomplish, because you have the desire to feel loved, and accepted. And criticism when not worded correctly, or toned wrongly, definitely does not give you that feeling.
When You Get Caught with the Imposter Syndrome due to Insecurity
You feel like you have to over-portray your success, and achievements, because you are in some way insecure, and feel like you have to earn people’s approvals. A big reason for the imposter syndrome is insecurity. And again, that is not abnormal. It is just something that has built up inside of you through different things you have been put through throughout life so far. Are you aware of who you actually, truly are so far? Have you discovered your true identity at this point?
One huge thing about the imposter syndrome is this… often you’ve been in it for so long, that you truly believe to be the person you portrait. And sometimes that gets to the point where you let people believe that you’re doing great, when in reality you’re facing a huge storm in life. You’re struggling with anxiety, maybe even to depression, and won’t tell anybody about it, because you don’t want people to see the real you. You don’t want them to start thinking differently than the way they have so far. And that can get pretty dangerous.
Step One…
Okay… with all this said… this week try with starting to pay closer attention when you are around people. How are you acting? Does it change depending on who you are around, or the circles you are surrounded by? Are you showing the real you? Or is it someone you want them to believe to be you? This week, only pay attention to it… Next week, we’ll get a little deeper into how to start getting away from the syndrome, and starting to be willing to show yourself as THE REAL AND TRUE YOU. But for now, start realizing when you do it, and how often you do it. That will also start showing you the surroundings on where you feel safe and sound to show your true self, and who you truly are 😊.
I can’t wait to hear about your experiences, and how it all goes. And keep in mind, no shame at all. This is just to start recognizing the areas in your life to start living life to the fullest 😊. I am really proud of you!!!
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