Narcissism & Gaslighting go Hand in Hand

Ladies and Gents, it looks like gaslighting and narcissism are two of our top modern day words. Yikes.

Oh, also, I apologize I didn’t get to post a new blog last week, I had to take a recharge weekend as we talked about a couple weeks back 😊.

Anyways, back to the subject, narcissism and gaslighting… have you heard of those terms before? Would you be able to recognize some characteristics that are included in those terms? Have you dealt with people that did gaslight you, or others? Are you putting up with a narcissist perhaps, and didn’t actually know it? Today, let’s look a little deeper into it, and see what it’s all about, shall we?

Narcissism & Gaslighting…is it Real?

You see, when I first heard of it, I had absolutely no clue what that means. The other interesting thing I recognized was that I picked up some of those characteristics as well (yup, guilty as charged). Throughout different times in my life I surrounded myself with narcissists, got into relationships with narcissists, etc. So of course I would pick up characteristics from those times, pack them into my emotional bags, and continued to carry that baggage as I went on. Often, without even realizing it. As I started recognizing it more and more, I had a moment of revelation that narcissism and gaslighting often goes hand in hand.

So what are we talking about here, and why is it such a big deal? It is a huge deal, because more and more people have several of those characteristics, and they are hurtful, unhealthy and toxic towards others. A narcissist is a person that thinks extremely highly of themselves, in an unhealthy way. Meaning, they are pretty arrogant… Often looking for approval, and admiration. They don’t often think of others, and are lacking empathy oftentimes. In other words, they can be pretty selfish, and hold others down, or back. Narcissists often like to point their finger at others, and use tactics to make others believe it truly is their fault, when it actually was not. A lot usually comes from insecurity, and relationships with people in the past that mistreated them, instead of valuing them when they needed it.

How is Gaslighting Used in Narcissism?

One of the big actions narcissism reveals quiet often is gaslighting. Gaslighting is a big word, and includes different things. Gaslighting is an action used to manipulate. It is an action used to get you to doubt yourself. It is a manipulative action used to question your own thoughts and feelings. When a narcissist in your life uses gaslighting, they try to get you to question yourself. It is an abusive action used to try to be in control. Sound familiar at all? Have you been in that kind of relationship before?

How do you recognize when someone is gaslighting you? Of course there are several ways and techniques that are being used. One of the common ones is them saying that you said or did something, and you know you didn’t. Or they turn and twist your words in a way that they were never spoken. They push it all the way to the point where you are just not so sure anymore whether that is what you said or did, or not. When gaslighting is used in narcissism, it often is being used to feel in superiority, and control.

Wait a Second…

A narcissist likes to use gaslighting when you share your emotions. They like to make you feel like you’re ‘crazy’ for feeling how you feel. Narcissists have the ability to make you feel like it’s all your fault. They like to tell you that you’re too sensitive, and things are not that big of a deal. Narcissists like to say hurtful things, and pass it off as funny, trying to make it all a joke. Believe it or not, narcissism has been present for a very very long time. Have you heard of King Saul in the Bible days? Perfect example of a narcissist.

There are so many ways you can recognize whether you’ve experienced gaslighting, or put up with narcissism before. Be completely honest with yourself here… Do you feel or tell yourself often that you are too sensitive? Are you often wondering if you can do anything right? Do you catch yourself many times feeling like you have to apologize often, even when it absolutely is not your fault? Where have you lost your confidence? Could it have been because you were gaslit by a person you truly cared about?

When you Start Recognizing Actions within yourself

Maybe you feel an emotional numbness. Or it could also be the complete opposite where you keep blaming yourself when things go wrong because you believe it is for you to be blamed no matter what. These are just a few examples. Gaslighting can be used very sneaky. And sometimes not even intentionally. Parents have gaslit their children before, without wanting to hurt them. It usually came from the roots of what was done to the parents sometimes throughout their life, and them not releasing that baggage, and healing from it. So it was simply passed on.

One of my problems was, I started living life for others instead of for myself. I tried to please others, and receive affirmation because of insecurity that grew within me over years. The gaslighting moments started stacking on top of each other, one on top of another, to the point where I just really wasn’t sure anymore why I would do things I did, or what I liked, or what I wanted to do for myself anymore. When I would have a friend, boyfriend, or family member gaslighting, someway, somehow I would always excuse them.

And Now to Breaking Free, and Starting Fresh

Now that we start to recognize narcissism and gaslighting, it’s time to break free from it, and heal from what was done to us in the past. And how are we going to do that? This is the moment to recognize…. Who have you allowed to be in control so far in your life? There are so many ways to break free, and go through the process of the healing journey. Do you like to journal? On the days when you don’t have it with you, do you like to write notes in your cell phone perhaps? For me, one amazing help was to reach out, and see a phenomenal therapist. Trust me when I say, she definitely helped me to bring a lot of hidden things to the surface, work through them, and heal.

With that said, let’s try something this week. When you have a moment coming up this week, where you have to make a decision, try to recognize how you feel about it. Do you feel insecure about it? Are you not sure what the smart choice would be? Do you think you need to reach out to other people to see what they think about it? Then try to catch it, and ask yourself… Why? Why are you having that feeling of insecurity? Where is it coming from? How come you can’t just make the choice yourself and listen to your gut about it? Write it down and try to get to the roots of it.

This week, try to not second guess your feelings. Don’t allow someone to talk you out of how you feel. It is okay for you to feel a certain way, and it is absolutely okay for you to express it, exactly as it is. Try your absolute best to not let others get under your skin (that’s what they try to do on purpose to get control). When writing things down, recognize the truth.

Welcome to the Change

If you are in an abusive gaslighting relationship, know that it is okay to end it. If you have gaslighting friendships, it is okay to let them go, and move forward without them. Recognize that it is time to do what is best for you now, A gaslighting friendship is not doing you any good. It is time to recognize your value, and the people that are not recognizing it, are not healthy to keep around.

Recognize your feelings and emotions, and know that it is absolutely okay to feel them. Write them down. As you continue doing that in the long-run, that will also reveal to you triggers. Another small tactic that helps me starting to believe different of me, I wrote things on my bathroom mirror. “You are beautiful”. Write on there: “You are smart”. “You are healing”. “It is not your fault”. Whatever it is that let’s you start changing your focus, and helps you change the way you’ve been thinking in the past.

Alrighty, I think that’s enough for this week 😊 With this said, I hope you’ll have an absolute amazing coming week. Remember, one day, one step at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Let that royalty within you start to shine 😊. I’m rooting for you!!!