When having no boundaries, it comes with consequences. Some of those consequences are pretty damaging to you. Healthy boundaries are really important. They are important for healthy relationships. That includes Family relationships, friendships, romantic relationships, and any other ones you can think of. With no boundaries, there is a big chance of abuse, and people manipulating you. You are being taken advantage of, often without realizing it, because you’re thinking you’re just trying to be a good person doing things for others. The problem is, there are a lot of very selfish people on this earth, and they don’t really care about you. Setting boundaries is one way for you to care about yourself.
There are different types of boundaries, but today we are only going to talk about no boundaries and the influence of not having any in general. Later on down the process, we can definitely talk in more detail about the types of boundaries and such. Keep in mind how valuable you are! With no boundaries, people will not recognize your value at all, nor will you have the ability to take the time for yourself when needed to recharge, or simply do something you like to do.
Why No Boundaries Have Been Set Before
Setting boundaries are a protection for you. They are needed to get out of the survival, and truly thrive. A lot of us struggle with no boundaries because of rough past experiences. If you’ve been a victim to trauma, or have experienced bad emotional attachment in the past, having no boundaries is not unusual. When you go through those kind of experiences, you allow people to violate and overstep boundaries because you have an emotional neediness that you are trying to get taken care of with whatever is needed. And when you get caught in those experiences, you often don’t see or identify the boundaries that need to be set.
Boundaries are supposed to be learned in our childhood. The problem is, if we don’t have good parent or leadership figures growing up, we simply have don’t set any, because we don’t know any better. The good news is, they can still be learned to be set at a later time. You need healthy boundaries in order to be able to communicate with someone how you feel. Sometimes we have don’t have any when it comes to communicating our feelings because we are scared of rejection. When that’s the case, we keep re-entering relationship after relationship, and they are not healthy ones due to the lack of communication of emotions.
The Danger of No Boundaries
As people pleasers, no boundaries is a huge fact. We don’t have boundaries set because we want to do any and everything people ask of us, because we think that’s how they like us. But often, when being a people pleaser you don’t attract the good or healthy relationships. When you are in the people pleaser mode, you attract the manipulators, and the people taking advantage. Those are not the healthy relationships. We have no boundaries because we make ourselves feel like we would become a burden to another person if we would set healthy boundaries.
Often we stay in bad relationships for a long time because we didn’t set good boundaries. We stay in it even when we know how toxic and unhealthy it is, and still don’t set boundaries because we are afraid that we won’t find anyone else if we make changes. But that is so far from the truth. You’ve been manipulated to believe that there are no other options. Or that you are no good enough for anybody else. Those are complete lies. When you are in a relationship and you feel the manipulation, that’s a way you can recognize that no boundaries are set. Use that to your advantage to start setting them.
The Beginning of a New Chapter with Boundaries
Now let’s start looking into starting to set boundaries, shall we? One huge recognizer for you to know you have no boundaries yet is: Sharing everything about you too quickly, and with too many people. We feel like we have to do that in order to connect to people. But that is not necessary. The moment you recognize it, try to stop yourself, and re-adjust those boundaries for yourself right then and there.
This week, try to pay attention to your voice. When you want to speak up, but hold it back because you are getting afraid in the moment. Try to just release it this time, and just letting your voice be heard. You have a voice also. Find it, and let it be heard. Start standing up for yourself again. That helps you to start recognizing your own identity again that you thought you lost in other people and relationships. If someone tries to bring you down, start standing up for yourself again, or even for the first time.
Something else to pay close attention to this week is when encountering and dealing with a bully. Bullies will try to bully you as long as no boundaries are set. So if you recognize someone walking all over you this week, try to catch it right then and there, and take a stand. Distance yourself from the people that are not appreciating you. If you are in a meeting where you’re being overtalked, stop them and remind them that you were speaking, and respectfully ask if you could finish first. That will allow you to gain respect going forward.
The Strength & Respect for Yourself
Try to take some time this coming week to start writing down current boundaries you have set. Are they set too weakly? Do you need to make some changes to strengthen them, and not just overlook them any longer? Also, write down new boundaries for yourself that you want to set. Hold yourself to them. And when you set them towards others, celebrate it. That’s a huge accomplishment, and a great start to setting boundaries regularly as you go.
Pay attention to the manipulators around you. When you recognize the red flag of manipulation, try to separate yourself from those people as quickly as possible. Love them from a distance if it is a family member. The thing is, they know how to play the game, and they don’t really care how you feel in it all. They just want what they want, and do whatever is necessary to get it.
Keep in mind, with no boundaries we allow people to do even harmful things to us. As you start setting the healthy boundaries, remember that you are absolutely worth it. We are doing this for ourselves, and the people that can’t accept them, do not need to be in our lives. This also helps you sorting out the good and healthy relationships from the toxic ones. YOU CAN DO THIS… I BELIEVE YOU’LL DO GREAT!!! You’ll experience amazing growth through all this. It might seem hard and challenging at the beginning, but keep going, and you’ll start experiencing life in a brand new way. (BTW, it’ll build your confidence too 😉).
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