Our Boundary Zones Needing Inspection

The different boundary zones… you know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Today, we’re going to look deeper into the different boundary types. The different zones in our lives that definitely need boundaries in them in order to be healthy. There are different zones where we just don’t set any, because we are having fears. Or sometimes we have that feel and pull on our hearts to set boundaries for our own sake… and we just ignore them. Next thing you know, you’re hurt. You’re feeling that emotional pain (that turns into physical pain if not taken care of). You wonder what happened, and what went wrong… again!

Are you aware of the zones in your life that are in desperate need of boundaries? Do you know where you would like to start setting boundaries at in your life? The boundary zones are very different from each other. Each and every one of them needs to be set individually from each other. No my friend, one does not fit all here. So let’s get started by looking at the different boundary zones, the different general boundary types. As mentioned in last week’s blog, we should be aware of boundaries, and the consequences already. However, if you haven’t been introduced to them the right way as a child, how are you supposed to know? This isn’t something given to you the moment you were born, it’s something you are taught as you go through life.

Boundary Zones… Start with #1

Okay… First, let’s talk about the physical boundaries. It is one of the many boundary zones we simply overlook a lot of times. These are the boundaries that need to be set for yourself when it comes to your body. That includes simple things such as when you want to go to sleep, when and what you eat or drink, and what you’re okay with. Whether or not you should and want to work out, and things like these. But the physical boundaries also include boundary setting when it comes to your space, and you deciding how comfortable you are with the touch of other people around you.

Emotion Boundary Zones are Needed Too

Next boundary zone, and a very important one is the emotional boundaries. If you don’t set the emotional boundaries, you will allow people to use and abuse you. There will be no room to recharge… and we all need that every now and then. So don’t ignore your wants and needs here. This is the boundary where you have to know yourself, and know how you feel in order for it to be able to be set. This boundary allows you to have your own thoughts and feelings, and let’s you know that it is okay for you to have those. When you are not okay with sharing things with certain people, you are absolutely allowed to say that.

Your Time is Yours; You Decide…

The next zone, and a pretty hard one, is time boundaries. When it comes to the time boundary zones we have the tendency to get caught up in such busy days, lifestyles, to-do lists, and schedules, that we completely forget about the boundaries we’ve set in that zone. At the end of the day, we are exhausted, and feel worn out. The purpose of the time boundaries is to protect how you spend your time. It protects you from saying yes and amen to do things that you don’t want to do. If you set a boundary for yourself to meet up with a friend for two hours, because you have other plans afterwards, don’t feel bad to leave after those two hours. That’s what boundaries are for 😊.

You Mean You Can Say When You Don’t Like Things?

Now, this one is a very important one as well that people just don’t set often… the sexual boundaries. This is a very important boundary zone when it comes to building a healthy relationship. Have you ever asked yourself what your expectations are when it comes to physical expectations? Find out what is okay, and what is not okay with you in the sexual zone. Find a mutual agreement for healthy sexual boundaries. Make sure you get an understanding of each other’s desires, as well as the limits, on both sides. Past trauma can often trigger things during the sexual intercourse, so a boundary is needed in that area. Make sure that is being communicated and understood by the other person.

Homework 😊

Let’s get into what we will do this week with boundary setting… Take some time for yourself, and ask yourself some questions. When it comes to the physical boundary zones, what spaces (or even simple physical areas such as living room…), are you okay with people invading? And who are you okay with invading that space? Or is it a space just for you? How do you like to be touched by others? And what do you not like as far as physical touch goes (are you comfortable with a hug, or do you want to keep it on the high-five mode)? Who are you okay with to be touched by (only family, friends, or other people as well)? Set a boundary for yourself when you want to go to bed, and don’t let others change that for you.

Being Honest with Yourself

Make sure you are very honest with yourself when answering these for yourself… because if you won’t, you won’t be setting boundaries for yourself. And that’s why we’re doing this, right? It’s the time to set the boundaries in the different zones in order to have the healthy relationships we always wanted.

For the emotional boundary zones, find out who you are comfortable sharing personal things with, and who you’re less okay with. What actions do you take to create your needed space to process your personal emotions? Keep in mind, when you don’t do that, and take the time needed to do that, you get into the habit of ‘dumping’ on others… and we don’t want our healthy relationships to be used as dumpsters. What are some things you feel uncomfortable sharing with others?

Say it as You Mean it

With the time boundaries this week, write down the things you want to do and get done by the end of the week. Next to the actions and tasks, write down the time you want to dedicate to those tasks. As you look at them in the morning, try to remember the time you decided to dedicate to them, and try to stick with that set time frame. Keep in mind, your time is just as valuable as others’.

Eeeheeem… with the sexual boundaries… take a deep breath, and write down the boundaries you want to set for yourself. I had to make a clear choice and decision to say ‘I am setting a boundary for myself to not go to the other person’s house on the first date’. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I would’ve had sex on the first date, but it was a great practice to start with to be able to set the boundary, and simply say no, while communicating with the other person that I’ve set that boundary for myself.

Feel Free to Communicate

Take some time to decide and figure out what kind of intimacy you do like, what sexual touch you like and don’t like. What do you want when it comes to sexual things, and with whom. Another great sexual boundary we don’t often set is how often you do you want it, and when. And you can also say no to the location. Think it through, write it down, and decide where you want to set the boundary.

Let me remind you, these are just a handful of different kind of boundaries to be set. There are so so many more, but this can get you started in a handful of boundary zones in your life. Set those boundaries are for your own good and your own health. I promise you, you will start feeling different. You will start seeing your value. Things around you will change for the better. You will recognize respect around you, where before you were just over-waltzed, and ignored. Try it 😊! And start with this week. Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated, and it’s time for others to start treating you the way you deserve to be as well!!! Have a phenomenal coming week!