Oh yes, that moment when you get stuck in the mixed signals situation. Whether you are in a place where you don’t feel as safe, or mixed signals in a relationship. There comes that moment in life where something is just not very clear, or you feel simply uncertain. So what are you supposed to do with it?
The subject of mixed signals overall is a huge subject. We might just have to narrow it down into little bites. Let’s start with talking about the mixed signals in relationships, and then take it from there as we go along.
When we get into relationships, we have the simple tendency to overlook the mixed signals we often get and feel. Often because we hope and believe for the absolute best. We imagine things in our mind to go a certain way so we tell ourselves that people are someone they actually are not. In our mind, we already made a conclusion long before we should because we want it to be the way we want it to be!
The other extreme is when we receive mixed signals from another person, and immediately jump to conclusions. Or we mis-interpret them because we are so scared that if we bring it up, it ends in a break-up. It’s a fear that’s holding us back from seeing what really is going on and seeing if we might just mis-read what they are saying. We avoid communicating with the other person about it because it scares us from being lonely again. But communication is the actual healthy solution to this, while running from it ends in brokenness, rejection, and lots of pain.
These Mixed Signals are Confusing
When you experience mixed signals in a relationship, it is the moment when a person shows you interest, but at the same time shows you a lack of interest. It’s like one way in while another one is out. Mixed signals cause confusion.
Here is the thing, mixed signals are not always intentional. And mixed signals are not always meaning that the other person is not necessarily wanting to be in a relationship. This is when communication comes in handy. As a matter of fact, communication is necessary in order to overcome the hurdle of mixed signals.
Sometimes mixed signals are a simple response due to the fact that the other person needs space. They might be in overload mode, and don’t want to overwhelm you with it, so they pull back a little bit. It could just be the fact that they don’t know how to tell you, so they withdraw, and that gives you mixed signals.
Talking About the Received Mixed Signals
If mixed signals are just being ignored, and decided not being communicated about, it causes unnecessary stress and anxiety that can end in a break-up. That causes much more pain than taking the time and talking about what is being expressed, and how it’s being interpreted at the other end. Mixed signals might appear from inconsistent messages that are being sent. They might have absolutely nothing to do with you that is receiving them. In order not to jump to conclusions, it is something that needs to be discussed, because it really could just be miscommunication.
A lot of us have the tendency to try to read a relationship. We are making it really hard on ourselves, when it doesn’t have to be. All that’s needed is a little bit of courage to confront the other person and find out what is going on, or what they are really trying to say with what we are hearing or receiving. I will be completely transparent with you about this… I was that person that was too scared to confront a person, and rather ran away from asking them about what I really perceived, simply out of fear of abandonment. It was the fear of being ‘lonely and alone’ again.
The Signals are Driving you Crazy
The mixed signals can drive us up the wall, because you are not really sure what is going on. You feel insecure, and that’s not always the best feeling to feel. And if you’ve been in a relationship before where you just weren’t sure where it’s going and ended in heart-pain, it triggers a lot of emotions from the past.
You see, mixed signals can be sent, simply because we aren’t all on the same level of being able to say how we feel. It’s the lack of ability to express our feelings and emotions in certain situations. Sometimes we feel intimidated because we are unsure of the outcome. So we rather not say anything, and ‘just let it be’, which is not a healthy option.
Think about it, have you mis-interpreted a text message before? It’s caused you to receive it as a mixed signal, but once you talked to the person about it you found out you were completely wrong about it. You received this text message, and mis-interpreted it because there was no voice and body language with it. The other person might’ve been busy and not texted you right back to a personal message you sent. You ended up thinking they were mad, or just didn’t want to talk. Those are mixed signals we receive that we need to talk about in order to avoid walls being built up within the relationship.
The Solution: COMMUNICATE
Now with all these things said, let’s jump to the solution. What are we supposed to do with mixed signals and how are we supposed to handle them in a healthy way? Mixed signals truly fall back to lack of communication. What am I saying here? The very first thing that needs to be looked at is how is the communication at this point between you and the other person?
When you receive a mixed signal from the other person, sit down with the person, cool, calm, and collected and simply ask them about it. Ask what they were trying to say with it and let them know what you received by what they said. If you are still upset, you might want to wait a little bit, so you are not reacting out of the anger you’re feeling at that moment.
Remember the imposter syndrome we talked about not too long ago? Avoid that… that causes mixed signals as well. Allow yourself to be your very true self from the beginning. The imposter syndrome only causes misinterpretations.
When the moment of approaching comes, remember to not point the finger. Start the conversation with how you feel. Start the sentence with “I feel like…”. With pointing your finger at the other person, you’ll only get to shutting them down. That won’t do the relationship any good in any way.
Word of Advice is…
If someone you know would be going through what you’re currently experiencing, what would you tell them? What’s your piece of advice on it? Let yourself know. Be honest with yourself… How is the relationship really at this point? Is it really what it is? Or is it just what you’ve made up in your mind what you would like for it to be?
If they are sending you mixed signals and you find out that they simply need some space, respect them. Give them their needed space. Don’t become clingy because you think it is your fault. It is not. Give them their needed breathing room and avoid blaming yourself for it.
Don’t forget, your partner is as human as you are. They might have a heavy past and fears because of it as well… Perhaps they might really just want to take it slow to make sure they don’t end up in the same dilemma or situation as they have before. Perhaps they still have some baggage they haven’t been willing to let go of yet. What is needed to find out what the issue is here? COMMUNICATION.
Have the Courage, and Find Out What’s Going on
And just a little reminder of what we talked about recently: You only have control over yourself. Controlling another person is not an option, so stop trying… because you’ll be wasting your time trying.
I can’t say it enough, keep in mind to not jump to conclusions, no matter what. You don’t know what is really going on until you have the courage to ask and talk about it. You’re only stressing yourself out about it if you don’t. There is no way to really know, until you ask.
Okay, I am leaving it at that for this week. I hope this gives you a little bit of an insight and understanding when it comes to mixed signals in relationships. As you grow and learn, you start recognizing the mixed signals. And with the courage to talk about, it will help you to restore, or let you know when it’s time to walk away because you are not feeling valued the way you should. Have a phenomenal coming week and have the courage to take the step needed to work through the mixed signals in the relationship.