Ready, Set, Go!
It’s a brand new morning. You wake up, and the thoughts are already going a million miles an hour. It seems to you like they are all over the place, and can’t explain why. You feel tired, and exhausted but it makes absolutely no sense to you since you’re just waking up from a full-night sleep (or so you thought). The way life has been going so far, you’re just tired of. You are ready for the beginning of YOUR life journey!
Now you completely start over-thinking and over-analyzing. You question yourself yet once again ‘How am I going to make it through today? It was so hard yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that already…’, but you know you don’t have much of a choice. Of course you want your life journey to begin, but how? You hardly made it through the previous day, how are you supposed to figure things out in life?
Everyday is challenging you, because you are just not sure who you actually are at this point. Maybe you knew before, but right now you’re just not sure anymore.
For years you’ve been putting up this mask, pretending to be someone you’re not because you are too afraid to be vulnerable again. Because you’re too afraid for people not to like you if they would see the real you. Because you don’t even remember who you truly are. You’ve built up one layer over another, over another to constantly ‘fit’ into who and what people wanted you to be, or rather trying to find you in someone else’s identity because you weren’t quite sure who you, yourself actually is. You saw your sibling being praised a lot more than you, and thought if you were more like him or her, you’d be more loved and appreciated too. So you were walking in their life journey. That’s what you’ve been familiar with for so long, that you are just not sure where the beginning of your life journey is.
You set yourself in survival mode for so long already, in order to make it through life one day at a time so far, that you’ve been making it your ‘normal’. You can’t explain why small changes, or unusual set-off’s in the daily routine throw you into anxiety mode. You’ve been pretending to be somebody because all you wanted was approval, a little praise and recognition, and decided to simply agree with whatever people said, and do whatever they wanted you to do in order to get that… becoming a people-pleaser, while slowly losing your own identity.
Now what? It’s uncomfortable, and doesn’t feel good. And the people you would do anything for just for that recognition? Nowhere are they to be found… So yea. Now what? The beginning of your life journey… you feel anxious, you are scared of it. Because, let’s be real here, who wants to start all over again? And all by themselves? But the positive in all this is: You get to start all fresh, and don’t have to let anybody pull you back into your old ways, and habits. Now, it’s the beginning of YOUR journey, no longer anyone else’s.
You see, so many humans on this earth have experienced that before, or even are in the middle of that path right at this point, and it’s completely okay to be. The problem is, too many don’t talk about it, shove it under the rug, and just hope and pray that it will all take care of itself, or simply disappear. But sadly won’t until we are ready to face the giant, recognize the truth, accept it, and deal with it. Until we look the giant right in the eye, nothing will change. It will probably just continue chasing us down instead.
Here is another issue we have to recognize… Our generation is known as the ‘Microwave Generation”. We want it here, and want it now. Many people feel like they’ve done the work, and have been through the healing process by committing to one or two therapy sessions.
Our expectations are set to where we think once we commit, we push the button. And we expect all the changes to happen by the next morning. Sadly it won’t go that way. Realize that what’s stored up inside you has been stored up for years. Hurts, pains, traumas, even good times, and good memories. Some of these things are the things that have built your character to an extent, and you can’t switch that within minutes.
It’s funny, people that have studied human psychology say that it takes at least 21 days to break one small habit… that’s just one small habit. Here we are trying to figure out who we really, truly are. It takes time. Start with taking one small first step.
A lot of times we forget how valuable we are… Think about it this way. There is only one you. You are so unique and so valuable. And here is how you’ll remember that.
Have you ever seen or bought something ‘hand-made’? You look at it, and it is so unique. There is only one of those, very identical pieces. It has a couple of flaws here and there, but that’s what makes it so unique. Then you look at the price tag and think “What in the world??? Who the heck prices something so high…”. And yet, they sell it with no problem, because there’s only one of them.
Many times we have people ‘de-valuing’ us… but often times we just simply ‘de-value’ ourselves, because we forget who we are. About our uniqueness we forgot about. We forgot that we’ve been hand-crafted. We forget that there’s only one of us.
I’ve been there… and I hate seeing you going through it. But I will tell you this, it will get better if you are willing to keep going. Keep pushing. And I will do whatever I can to help you get there (however, please realize that I can only help you with my past experience, and am in no way a professional), but it has to be you wanting it. Not for your man, not for your family, not for your children. Not for the approval of others, even your parents. But you wanting it for yourself.
Because you woke up and are ready to find out who you really truly are. Because you woke up this morning and realized that you are ready to find out how valuable you are. You are done being under-valued. You are done being treated below how you deserve to be. Because you’ve had enough, you say “enough is enough!”, and are ready to put your foot down.
The First Step of Action
So where and how do we start here? Step one, I suggest you get a journal, or simple notebook even. It might not even be for journaling, but to write down simple ideas, and thoughts as they come up. Once you get that, start by writing down simple things you really like.
What do you like to do? Write down some things you like to see. What are things you like about yourself? What are things you like to eat and maybe even have been judged on? (I get the crazy look every now and then when I tell people I like pineapple on my pizza… but hey, that’s what I like). Also, simple things about yourself… Favorite color, favorite animal, favorite soda, pop or just drink you like, favorite car, favorite movie, music, etc. You kind of get the idea.
That should give you a starting point to take the very first small step in the beginning of your journey we talked about earlier 😊. And then we’ll take it from there. Be honest with yourself, have lots of grace on yourself and take really good care of yourself, because you matter!
And we’ll talk again next week.
Thank you for the encouraging words. I agree most people are just living in the shadows on someone else trying to live a life that’s not their own. Or like me and you have become people-pleasers, afraid to make mistakes, make someone upset,
and not knowing how to create healthy boundaries (especially with our parents) and in past relationships). It’s time to shine in our own unique ways! Let’s do this! The time is now 😁
Practical Steps. We are becoming the best version of ourselves as we go on this journey together!