A Deep Relationship

A lot of us want deep relationships, let’s be real. Today is the day. The day where we’re taking some time to dig a little deeper into the meat. No longer staying on the surface level in our relationship with ourselves, but starting to build a deep relationship with ourselves.

Often, it frustrates me when relationships stay surface level… Sure they can be fun and all, but what good are they going to do for you when things aren’t exactly going the best? Or you feel like you are in a mess, and you need someone that understands and supports you? When you need to talk to someone on deeper subjects in life, and they have no clue what you’re talking about because they always were just on the surface level with you? So, how do you know what a deep relationship is, when you don’t have a deeper relationship with yourself? Today is the day to get to know yourself on a deeper level.

In the past, I kept looking for titles, affirmations, and awards, because I thought that it would be a part to build who I am. That is so far from the truth. Someone ended up telling me that things such as awards and titles actually only adds a layer to your identity. Looking at it now, I can say, he was right. I started hiding behind those approvals, those titles, and those accomplishments because I didn’t want people to see me for who I truly was. I came to realize that me showing an award is not a deep relationship with myself. It doesn’t really say much about me as a person at all. My first question is, what are you hiding behind? And have you thought about the reason why you are hiding behind it before?

The Beauty in the Deep

It is time to be brutally honest with yourself, and getting to know yourself on a deep level. Start with listing your likes and dislikes. Begin with basic ones first… What foods do you like? Which ones can you not stand? What music do you like to listen to? What are the movies you could watch over and over again? Which ones are you staying away from? And then go a little deeper… What are your values? What new values would you like to add? Which old ones do you feel like you should update? Which ones are you ready to let go of?

Next, what are your goals? If you don’t have any yet, feel free to set some today. If you want to take some time to think it through, that is completely okay too. Just don’t set it to the side, and then never do it. And it can start with simple goals such as: Today, I will sort through old pictures, or old paperwork. Or maybe: Today I will do a car cleaning. Maybe even just simple chores. Write them down, and when you’ve accomplished that goal, check it off, and see how it feels. Once you start getting used to setting and achieving simple goals, set some bigger ones, and start working towards them.

Next step, what is important to you? Is it important to you to help people around you? Could it be that it’s important to you to be there for others? Is it important to you to stay up to date on things? What things? Is it people’s lives? The news? Media? What are some things that matter to you? Think of some things that tick you off. What are things you cannot stand?

It’s not easy finding your true authentic self, especially not if you’ve been hiding behind this façade for a long time, and it takes hard work, but it is absolutely worth the effort. It’s time to step out of that comfort zone you’ve been in for a while. As you go through this, you can start thinking about it on a deeper level, and start sorting through where it came from. As you start recognizing the roots of those things, you get to make decisions on what you’d like to continue doing, and on what you’ll continue to like. But not because someone else told you to, or because you received affirmation for it. Instead, because you really like it, and want to.

Un-layering the Layers

You have an amazing story to tell, a huge testimony that will help someone else with what they deal and struggle with. What good does it do if you don’t know that story? What good does it do if you won’t talk about it, or tell anybody because you’re still hiding behind it? Perhaps because someone bullied you in the past? Maybe someone shut you down before, and put you in a shame? It’s time to break free from it all. It’s time to use it for your good! Today is the day where you can start re-discover your story, and begin by telling it to yourself… just as it is. No shame. No pretending. Your real, true story. No more hiding.

You can place layers over layers over your authentic self, and hide it for so long, but your authentic self is and will always be there. It has from the very moment you were created, to this day. It’s not bound to other people’s opinions, or labels. That’s why it is so important to be brutally honest with yourself… That’s when you’ll start realizing who YOU truly are on a deep level. Not by anybody else’s voice, or expectations, but by who you were created to be nine months before your birth.

You, starting to figure out who you are makes a huge difference in every aspect of your life. It will help with choices in life, with relationships, with how you will handle different situations. It will start giving you the confidence you’ve been longing for, without being thrown off when people give you their piece of mind, because you start knowing who you are on a deep level. Think about it, a tree with deep roots is hard to be removed. There is so much beauty in the deep! You will start seeing your value, which will help you not allowing others treating you the way you never deserved to be treated.

Today is the Day…

Today is the day to start accepting yourself. It might start with a small step of looking in the mirror and telling yourself out loud that you are accepting yourself, just as you are. I wrote on the mirror ‘Perfectly Flawed, and Beautifully Broken’, and that reminds me everyday that nobody is perfect. But it’s those imperfections that make us so beautiful, so unique, so amazing. Have you ever looked at couples and wondered ‘How did they end up together?’ Or ‘How come they have each other, and I am not in that situation?’. Could it be that they were completely themselves, real, and completely honest with each other about it?

Knowing who you are is making the process of accepting yourself so much easier. What about yourself would you like to improve? What about yourself are you proud of? Right now it might be really tough, and pretty hard on you to know what you really want, and that is because you are not exactly sure who you are yet.

This is the time you need to have grace on yourself, and give yourself time. It is not going to happen instantly. This is not a 90 second microwave meal. Don’t allow circumstances or other people drift you through life how they want to. No… your value is far beyond that. Start seeing how valuable you are. Do it for yourself. You will continue wearing yourself out, and being frustrated if you continue living by other people’s principles, values, and expectations.

Next time you’re being asked where you would like to go eat, tell them exactly which place YOU want. Don’t choose by the thought of what they might like. Let me tell you something I did once… I went out on a date. I was so happy and excited. At the same time I was so nervous, intimidated, and scared because I was already jumping to the thought of ‘…But what if I lose him?’.

I ended up ordering a salad at the restaurant to try to impress him. Ridiculous, right? I got home that night, and was completely regretting that decision. First, I didn’t want a salad… I wanted one of those juicy steaks or burgers on the menu. But because I didn’t want to embarrass myself while eating a burger I settled for something that was most definitely not me! I put on a mask, and was not honest to myself just because I wanted to ‘impress’ someone with being fake. Never again!

I am letting you know that if you’ve ever been in that situation, it’s time to forgive yourself for it, learn from it, do better from here on forth, and move on. I am also telling you this story to let you know, you are not alone. A lot of us have gotten lost in façades to impress. A lot of us have hidden our true authentic selves because we tried to impress. We were afraid to show our true self due to fear of abandonment, loneliness, not getting the approval we are looking for, or simply being disliked.

You are amazing for who you are! Start seeing your value! You owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself. I will end it with this said, and can’t wait to hear from you over this next week, and talk with you about what’s next on the next blog.