When you hear of the word ‘Scammer’, what do you think about? We all have this idea of a Scammer being a certain way, but we’re not being told that they come in so many shapes and forms. Nope, scammers are not just the ones online that ask for your phone number, and email address. Think about it, a person that takes someone else’s identity, that’s a scammer too, correct? So when we pretend to be someone we are actually not (being an imposter), that would make us a scammer also. Just a different kind of scammer.
With last weeks’ blog, we focused on the ‘Imposter Syndrome’. What it is, what it includes, and where it roots from. It was interesting to see through many different conversations this week, how many people actually never heard that term before, and yet identified themselves being in that kind of lifestyle. So this week I want to focus a lot more on how to get out of it.
Breaking Away from the Scammer Condition
It’s definitely not easy to break free from, if that’s what you’ve known pretty much all your life. Or if it’s been a lifestyle you’ve lived for quiet some time. And trust me when I say, there are so many people living the ‘Imposter’ Lifestyle without even knowing it. Sometimes you just get caught in it. But you might just be at the point in your life where you’re tired, and exhausted. You’re tired and exhausted from pretending to be someone you actually are not. Perhaps from trying to make people believe for you to be someone you are not.
It’s easy to run from the truth and reality when you are stuck in the imposter syndrome. However, the imposter syndrome affects many areas of life, and not in a good way. The imposter syndrome affects relationships. It affects the mental health, and worsens things such as anxiety, insecurity, and depression. Oftentimes, you suffer in silence, because you don’t allow people to see what you struggle with. You cut yourself short from so many blessings and benefits you get to experience once you break free from it.
You’re Not Alone in This…
The imposter syndrome is really really common. When people get on a new job, oftentimes they get caught in it, because they feel like they have to impress the new people they work with. Even if it’s something they’ve never done before. Or getting caught with the imposter syndrome with friends. You start pretending to be someone so that you feel accepted. Someway, somehow you become an emotional scammer, because you start cutting yourself short from expressing yourself to others. I’ve done that a lot in relationships, because I was so terrified of losing a person, and having to start all over again. I was desperately crying out for acceptance and approval. There was that feeling of fear that if I would show them the true me, they wouldn’t like it. But I was wrong.
So how do we overcome the imposter syndrome? Step one, you have to be completely honest with yourself, and about yourself. It’s time to explore who you truly are, and who you are not. Dig deep into getting to know, and explore who you actually are. Explore what is real, and what is not. Throughout my life I kept hearing the statement: ‘Fake it ‘till you make it…’. And not too long ago a person confronted me by saying: “Why fake it? Why not face it ‘till you make it?”. Let me tell you, that definitely caught me off guard. I never thought of it that way before.
The Moment you are Ready to Accept Reality
The moment you are ready to admit that you can’t be completely perfect, as a perfectionist, and accept it as the truth, you are allowing room for growth. When you are a ‘know it all’ kind of person, and acknowledge that you actually don’t know everything, and that’s completely okay, you are opening up for growth, and new learning lessons. Time to take the walls down that you’ve built up, because you felt like you didn’t fit in, or felt unaccepted. Or simply were scared that people would figure you out, and not like you anymore once they would.
When you have a friend accomplishing great things, but keeps minimizing her or his accomplishments, or him or herself… what do you say to them? Now try to do that for yourself. Try to see the great things you’ve been able to accomplish so far, and tell yourself what you would say to that friend of yours.
It’s never wrong to share how you feel… But be selective who you share it with. Going through this process is not easy, and you don’t want someone in it that will discourage you, or drag you down. When you do this with the right people, it allows them to share with you what they truly see in you. That is encouraging, and allows you to see that it actually never was the things you pretended in the past.
Party in a Fashionable Way… You Deserve it
As mentioned in several blogs before, CELEBRATE. Celebrate every step you take. Celebrate every accomplishment you make, and every goal you set for yourself, when you meet it. When you succeed, celebrate that moment. The small steps you take, ought to be celebrated. For some people that have struggled with anxiety perhaps, it can be simple things such as getting out of bed that morning. Reward yourself with maybe stopping at your favorite coffee shop, and getting yourself your favorite coffee. Don’t just brush it off, and think it’s not a big deal, because it is huge, and you deserve to treat yourself like royalty. Because you are.
There will be moments when you fail. Maybe it’s a simple task, and maybe it’s something bigger. This is the moment where you have to come to the realization that it will happen, and it’s okay. See it as a simple lesson to do better next time, and accept it just as that. Switch your focus from ‘I failed’ to ‘I will try again, and will do better going forward’. That will change the entire perspective. Orbe Austin said: “Reframe failures as opportunities to learn and grow – that will ultimately move you toward the success you’re seeking”.
The Big L Yourself Word… Or Two Words I Guess…
And another thing mentioned several times before… In order to overcome the imposter syndrome, make sure you love yourself. I keep hearing people making the statement: ‘Love each other, love your neighbor…’, which is that the Bible itself even says. But people like to leave out the part where it says ‘as yourself’. You have to love yourself first. That will take you to the place where you will start seeing your self-worth from the inside, and won’t have to wait for it from anyone around you any longer.
With all that said, I will finish this week’s blog just like this 😊. Let all that sink in, and then take it one step at a time. Start recognizing the emotions you feel, when the imposter syndrome slowly, and sneaky tries to get it’s way in again. Careful when you compare yourself, or when you feel like you have to pretend, just because you’re afraid of people not accepting you. And remember to celebrate, love yourself, and see your worth! You are VALUABLE!!!