Have you paid attention to the bullying effect before? It’s interesting how much we hear, and have heard about bullying… but hardly ever hear or look at the effect it has on people. What has it done to you in the past? Can you recall a moment you’ve been bullied? Do you remember how you felt because of it? Let me ask you this, what have you done with that feeling?
You see, the interesting thing is, bullying doesn’t happen in kindergarten, and then maybe once or twice in middle school because of a couple of immature kids. No. This is something that is very present to this day, all over the world, throughout all ages. And the sad part is, a lot of the bullies bully, because of some bullying that was done to them. It’s the bullying effect on them. And one of the actions adults like to use to bully, is bull-dozing. They simply like to run people over with their opinion, and their ways, and how they want things done, in a way to not give others room to say anything.
The Bullying Effect of Bull-Dozing
When a person bull-dozes you over, they try to simply flatten you out. They try to convince you that their way is the only way to do it. And when you’re being bull-dozed, it is being done in an aggressive kind of way. For example: A bully tries to bull-doze you, they tell you to do something the way they want it. You try to tell them that their way is not the way you do it. So they interrupt you to let you finish what you are trying to say. Or they don’t even give you any room to say anything at all. Then, they continue running you over with what they said before, and continue going in a circle with the same thing over and over again, until you agree to do it their way.
Bullies might use foul language, or continue pushing what they want unto you by making you feel less smart. Sometimes they turn and twist things in ways where they start making you doubt what you first said and believed. It is said that a lot of narcissists bully and bull-doze to get their way, and make themselves feel better due to insecurities they are not willing to deal with.
The Bullying Effect Once Grown
Now with that said, let’s look at the bullying and bull-dozing effect it can have on you. How to deal with it, and break free from past bullying effects that might still impact you to this day. Whether you’ve been physically or mentally bullied before, bullying does affect you emotionally, and mentally. The bullying effect is painful, toxic, and can leave pretty deep scars. That’s why it is so important to recognize it right away when you’re being bullied, and deal with it as quickly as you can, so it won’t affect your mental health, and cause damage within you going forward. You absolutely do not deserve that. You, carrying along someone’s bullying effect on you, is baggage that needs to be let go. Because if you don’t, it not only hurts you, but can also hurt other people you love very much.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines bullying as: “Abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone stronger, more powerful, etc. The actions and behavior of a bully.” So, it is actions and words being used by someone to harm someone else. The bullying effect is harmful. Bullies like to bully someone to make someone believe that they are in more power. Bullies want other people to think of them as ‘higher’ beings. And sometimes it comes from insecurity that bullies have… they think they can hide their true self behind bullying. It’s another action of the imposter syndrome we talked about a couple of weeks ago.
It Affects the Health too?
When you’re being bullied, it can have so many different effects on you as a person. If you’ve been bullied as a child, it might have you being more afraid going forward. It might make you want to hide in your bedroom, and not want to leave the house anymore. It could build an anxiety or even depression within you. Perhaps you’re having bad dreams, that affect your sleep patterns. You might avoid certain streets or areas because you’ve had a bad bully experience that you haven’t dealt with yet. Maybe you’ve had a bully experience back when you were eight or nine, and you’ve been a people pleaser ever since. These things happen.
I Don’t Have an Attitude!
When you’re bullied as an adult, especially in work places, it can completely change your attitude towards the work place, or towards the work you do, and have been doing. You start building up anger. Maybe you just simply don’t care about anything you do there at all anymore. When you get work done, you might be doubting yourself about it because of what you’ve been told by a bully before. It’s a bullying effect. A bully at the work place might have bull-dozed you over when you tried to explain yourself to the point where you are not even trying anymore. You feel mentally drained. When you get home you feel so tired, and done… All you want to do is go to bed and hope the day is over soon. These are all some of the bullying effects.
When you’re being bullied, no matter in what age, you can feel lonely. You are sad, and sometimes even feel embarrassed, because bullies get you to feel like it was your fault. But it is not your fault at all! Sometimes you lose your interest in something you really like because you were bullied. Have you ever seen the scene in a movie where a kid was bullied because of the instrument they played? When they got home they threw it in the corner, and never wanted to touch it again?!
I’m Done with it!
So, how do you overcome bullying experiences? How do you let it go? Just as other psychological damages, you have to be willing to face it. It’s another moment where you have to be completely honest about what happened, how you felt, and be ready to open up about it. If you’ve been bullied when you were younger, and have not addressed it or coped with it yet, it could be what’s causing you to have a lack of trust towards others. You could be living in fear often. Perhaps you keep doubting yourself, and you’re just not quiet sure why. When you’re being bullied, and you’re not facing it right then and there, it can cause damage to your self-esteem, and you do not deserve that. It’s holding you back from living life to the fullest.
Steps and Actions to Get There
Here are some things we need to do, and dig into in order to face it, heal from it, and let it fully go… First, acknowledge it. Don’t minimize it. Acknowledge it to the fullest. Please don’t pretend like it didn’t happen, just because it was a person that you loved, or love very much. No more dismissing it. Recognize that it was not your fault at all, and that you are absolutely not responsible for it.
Next, think about yourself, and your value now. You’ve been doing so great going through this healing journey, why stop now? You’ve started recognizing your value, and this is a part of allowing healing to take place for what was done to you. Think about some things you’ve been dealing with for a while that affected your health. Have you had an eating disorder before maybe? Is it the anxiety or depression, or maybe even both that you’ve been having? Are you feeling a pretty strong stress feeling lately? Take a step of action today. Take a moment, and think about someone you can open up to about what you’ve experienced or are experiencing. Someone you can honestly and openly talk about the feelings and emotions you are feeling.
Taking Back what Belongs to You
It’s time to take back what has been taken from you. If you loved playing the violin, but quit because you were bullied, get back in the game of playing the violin again. If you started living your life for others because you were afraid to be bullied again, it’s time to start putting your foot down, start saying no when you don’t want to do something, and start living your life for you.
When you recognize thoughts of fear coming up inside you, or thought of having no power, catch them right there. Write them down, and then write right after those why it’s not true. Try to write down why you’re no longer afraid. Write down why you can do what you want to do. Come against them with why you can. Come against them with the real truth… and not why someone once told you…
Worth Much More than That
Remember, you are more valuable than any diamond in this world, recognize that. When someone bullies you, they lie to you about your worth. So when you have moments when you don’t feel as confident, remind yourself of the truth. Reject the lies, and replace them with the truth. Remind yourself of who you are. What are you good at? What are your strengths?
And then, try to find closure. For me it was a great help to write the person that hurt me a letter. I never sent it, it was just for me to fully express the emotions I carried around for so long, and find healing and closure through the process. Acknowledge what happened, how it impacted you, and how now you’re letting it go and moving on from it. As mentioned in previous blogs, what someone else has done to you does not define who you are, so rediscover yourself, the true you. Step into a new chapter, and turn the page.
I Got This
As mentioned before, be patient with the process. You won’t heal from one second to another. This is a process, a journey, so celebrate every small and big moment you experience. Okay, I am going to have to end here since I already went way over the length of the average blogs I usually post. But hey, you’re doing absolutely phenomenal!!! Keep me posted 😊! Also, let me know if you have other topics you would like to hear more about, or if you have questions that we could answer for you! You’re doing great!!!
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