Here we are wanting others to value us, but how is that supposed to happen if you don’t value yourself first? Let’s step it up a notch from last week. We talked about self-acceptance. That was only the beginning in seeing how amazing we actually are. Even though there might’ve not been the support you needed in your life before, now we’ve taken the first step in starting to give ourselves the needed support. So let’s take it up to the next level and look into valuing yourself.
We can’t have the expectations of others to value us if we keep telling them how low we think of ourselves. Or if we sit around them and keep pointing out the negative we see in ourselves on a constant basis. No. that’s not how it goes. That’s having false expectations. If we keep doing that, we keep attracting other negative influences and ending up in toxic friendships and relationships. That’s not healthy. It’s not good for ourselves. I understand how tough it can be to see the value in yourself if all you’ve gotten in life so far has been negative.
The Challenge to Value Yourself Depending on the Past
It’s really hard to value yourself if growing up you’ve been in toxic environments. It’s tough to believe that you are smart, beautiful, strong, and will be able to overcome and accomplish if throughout life so far, you’ve only heard the opposite. But it is so important to overcome it and starting to value yourself in order for others to do it too. It can be done. But you have to be willing to do it, for your own good and benefit.
Listen to me. Your past relationships and friendships might’ve not been the best. Have you taken a little bit of time to reflect on it? Have you thought about where you currently are at and the people you are surrounded by? Is that where you want to be? Are there things that need to change for your own good? Could it be due to the lack of self-value? Be honest with yourself here… Do you value yourself? Do you value yourself enough? What do you do to value yourself? How are you showing yourself how much you value yourself? These are simple questions… and yet so often we completely forget about ourselves.
After the Self-Acceptance Comes the Self-Value
We started accepting ourselves, now it’s time to value ourselves. Say it out loud. ‘I am starting to value myself!’. Right here, right now! In the past we talked about being more valuable than any diamond in the world. What good does that do if you don’t recognize that yourself? And what good does that do if you don’t value yourself?
Until not too long ago, I wouldn’t value myself. For one, I had no idea what that meant or how to, and secondly, I kept telling myself that it is so selfish to do. Man was I wrong! Valuing yourself and being selfish are two completely different things. When you value yourself, you show yourself love. You take care of yourself. When you’re selfish, you see yourself and only yourself. That’s not the same thing at all. When you’re selfish you don’t recognize other people’s needs and simply don’t care about them. When being selfish, shame and blame is being used to get what you want (that’s one of the narcissists features as well…). Do you start to recognize the difference here?
When you value yourself, you identify your own needs. You recognize them and make some time to meet those needs. You decide to use some of your energy to take care of the recognized needs you have.
Value Yourself to be Able to Value Others
The more you care about yourself, the better you’ll be able to take care of others. In order to have healthy relationships, you have to value yourself. When you value yourself, you start respecting yourself. As you respect yourself, others will too. Because you value yourself, you’ll be able to set boundaries. We talked about why boundaries are so important. Valuing yourself helps you gain confidence. When you value yourself, it pushes you towards wanting to better yourself. When you value yourself, it motives you to invest your time and energy towards things you want to accomplish. Once you do, you feel this joy and excitement that brings you joy.
I know when you haven’t valued yourself before, it makes no sense when someone says ‘Having a strong sense of self value means that you also value others…’. But you will start seeing it and recognizing how it does, once you start to value yourself. How so? You start to pass on the care and nurture you have been building up on yourself, unto others.
Once you start to value yourself, you’ll learn to live your life with feeling really good about yourself. You no longer depend on other people’s opinions and thoughts about you. They no longer have control over you and how you should live your life. When it comes to relationships, you no longer settle for less than you deserve. Because now you start seeing your value, you start recognizing that you are worthy of respect, affection, love, and other great things in life. Those are things that play a huge role when it comes to being happy in life.
The Challenges to Take to Build Self-Value
This should give you a little bit of a picture of the importance to value yourself. Now, how do we do that? Value ourselves or value ourselves more than we have so far?
One of my biggest issues throughout life was comparison. That is a big NO NO. Comparison to others will tear you down. I am not sure why, but I felt like I always had to compare myself to so many people around me. And it was horrible. It made me feel frustrated, defeated, angry, like I was not good enough. When I would compare myself, I felt like I could never accomplish anything. It would blind me from my own value, my own worth. So, if you compare yourself to others, that has to end if you want to start valuing yourself. No more comparing to others. You are not them, and they are not you. You are not supposed to be them, so no more trying (that will keep you in a hamster wheel, you don’t want that)!
This week, try to do this exercise. Take a pen and paper, and answer these questions to yourself: Do you believe you deserve respect and love from others? Why or why not? How would you describe yourself to someone else? What are the words you use to do so? Where you are standing right now, do you respect, value and like yourself? How much from one to ten? When you think about yourself, are your thoughts positive, negative, or somewhere in the middle? Reflect on your answers for a little bit and let it sink in.
What Else?
Set boundaries, set boundaries, set boundaries. I can’t say it enough. Boundaries are so so important. We talked about that before… When you set boundaries, it let’s others know how you would like to be treated by them. It gives you the power back that you unconsciously gave away to people who walked all over you, took advantage of you and used you for their benefit. No more! Take that control back with your boundaries.
Try to catch your negative thoughts this week and challenge them. Ask yourself where it’s coming from. What is the root of that thought? The thought usually is not reality, it’s not a fact. Once you catch it, try to replace it with another realistic thought instead.
This week and going forward, invest into yourself. Buy something you’d really like for yourself. Make yourself feel really amazing about yourself. Take some time to do something you really like doing. For the longest time, I couldn’t spend much money on myself. I would like at things I love, but just couldn’t buy it for myself. My best friend challenged me a little over three years ago and said: ‘Why do you always get stuff for others, but can’t even spend $90 on yourself for that beautiful necklace you’ve been looking at for the past 15 minutes?’. That really challenged me and put me in the thought process. Yes, you are allowed to feel good about yourself, and do something for yourself that you like. Do it! You are worth every little bit of it!
You Are Valuable Because You Are Unique
Going forward, build up your sense of self-value. Try your best to keep your focus on your own path… That’s what makes your journey so unique and adventurous. Believing in yourself is a major element when it comes to mental health. Keep your focus on your own goals. And as you go forward, keep in mind what it is that you value in your own life. Keep in mind, that you are not alone. Never be ashamed to reach out when it gets heavy and tough. Believe me when I say, there have been so many people around you that have been through similar chapters in their life. You can do it! And you are so far beyond worth it!!!
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