One Small Step Results in a Big Change

Okay, so if you got a chance to read last week’s blog, and got to take the very first small step mentioned on there, CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is a really big step to take. You might not realize it yet, or it might not seem very big to you, but the very first step is: You deciding ‘I want things to change in my life, in my way of thinking, in me figuring out who I truly am, and what I am here for’. And that is a huge step! One small step results in a big change as you go.

Again, it will take time, so be patient with yourself. You know how, when you’re planning on losing weight and you start taking action, it won’t manifest by the next morning. And you probably won’t see much change right away… But you will as you continue going. Same concept here. Stay on it, and keep going 😊… You will start seeing big changes with the small steps you will be taking, one at a time.

What also helps with it is, staying focused on the present. Stay focused on the here, and the now, and the step you are taking at this point in time. Don’t try to jump ahead, and worry about tomorrow, and the next week, and how it’s all going to come out at the end. That’s when we start stressing out, and become overwhelmed really fast. Just focus on the here and the now, take this step, then take the next, and focus on that one. Alrighty… with that said, let’s jump into it.

Finding the Identity…

Discovering your identity… a huge subject (definitely too big to talk about in just one blog).

When we are very young (probably from age 3 and 4 on), we try our best to discover our identity, and try to identify ourselves some kind of way. If raised in an unstable home, here is the problem… Because we’re just kids, we don’t know what’s right or wrong yet. We look and search for who we are, no matter what’s going on around us, whether it’s positive or negative. And because we don’t know any better, we accept it as the truth, even if it’s not. We won’t get the right idea of who we are, but that doesn’t stop us from looking and searching.

Think about it… how many times has your older sibling, or cousin, or grandparent, or parent even, called you stupid because of something dumb you did? Can you remember and recall a moment shortly after that, where you called yourself stupid? That’s where it started. That’s only one example. Another example of you trying to find your identity might have been, you trying to be like your great friend, or your sibling, because it seemed like they had it so easy. They were always able to have fun, they were the cool kids, so you tried to just follow their steps, and be like them.

Another negative way you might’ve identified yourself with… When you were picked on, or made fun of. Maybe in kindergarten, maybe during the first couple of years of school. Hurt people hurt people, and you didn’t realize why people did that to you. They called you mean names… Braceface, Weirdo, Redhead, Bozo, Porker, Birdbrain, Boogerface, Poo-Poo head, etc. I could go on and on. But you just took it and accepted it because maybe you felt like at least you were seen and recognized. You accepted it as a truth because you felt like it was your identity.

However, here is a truth to that. It was never your fault that you were called names, and insulted. And it never was your identity. Like I mentioned before, hurt people hurt people. It could’ve came from insecurity, brokenness, jealousy, or anything similar in the person’s life that called you that. Maybe, they were living in a broken home and were called names by their parents. That doesn’t make it right at all, but that had nothing to do with you, and was not your fault. Past‘bullies’ shared a story or two with me, and mentioned, they ended up being bullies because they were bullied. They simply passed on what was done to them.

Life is Like a Movie… Or so I Thought

Here is another way we try to identify ourselves often, and sometimes without even realizing it… The movies we watch and the music we listen to. In other words, multimedia. I love watching movies. When they have a great storyline, I can watch them over and over and over again. And it’s okay to watch movies, as long as you keep realizing that oftentimes they are not realistic. Life is not like a movie.

We identify ourselves so many times with movie characters, even very young… with princesses, or superheroes, because we want to be someone ‘big’, we want to be ‘important’. When we listen to certain music, and certain songs, we feel like we can relate to it, or even to the singer him or herself. So let me say this… Multimedia is all fun and cool, but don’t allow it to label you. Don’t allow it to tell you who you are.

Here is the actual definition of identity: Where you find your sense of worth, acceptance and well-being.

With that said, be careful who and where you are getting that from. Could it be that in the past you allowed people label your identity where you felt worthy? Or who you felt accepted by? Even when they hurt you… When you felt like you could relate to a movie character or an artist, for the first time ever, you felt accepted, so you tried to be just like them.

Let me ask you again: Who have you been labeled by? Was it by society? Was it by past mistakes? Here is the good news… The past can’t define you! Your past is not who you are. It can most definitely influence you in many ways, but it’s not who you are!

So What Do I Do?

A lot of your identity is based on how you view yourself. The eyes you see yourself through… So ask yourself, in all honesty, whose eyes are you seeing yourself through? Is it through your friends’ eyes? Perhaps your ex boyfriends’ eyes? Your husbands’ eyes? Your parents’ eyes? Or is it through your eyes?

Did you have a chance to get the journal, or notebook I mentioned last week to write down your thoughts, ideas, and things about yourself mentioned? Did you get to note the basic things about yourself we talked about?

Okay, so let’s dig a little bit deeper this week. Put a little bit of thought into this, and then write these things down too. Do you have an idea of some of your personality traits? What are some of them? Write them down. What are some abilities you have? What are some of your likes and dislikes? What’s your belief system, and your moral code? Tell me some things that motivate you.

A lot of people really want to get a Driver’s License in order to feel like they are somebody. They feel like having that card, with labels and information, labels who they are. Many people have experienced Identity Theft, because someone used their personal information and pretended to be them. Someone stole their ‘identity’. The identity we are talking about here is a little different though, and I’ll tell you why in a second.

Where has your identity been lost or stolen? Let me tell you this… This identity of yours, nobody can take from you. You won’t ever lose it. It’s still inside of you! You are still who you were made to be from the second you have been created… It might’ve just been covered layer by layer throughout time by labels that people have labeled you with.

One step at a time, you’ll be taken off one layer after another to get back to the core of who you are! One small step results in a big change!

How do you view yourself in the here, and the now? How do you want to view yourself going forward?

Write it down somewhere, where you can see it every day. Remind yourself of it every day. Speak it out loud. For me, the perfect spot was the bathroom mirror. I got a couple of dry-erase markers, and wrote on the mirror that I look at every morning when I first wake up, and every night before going to bed that I am loved, that I am beautiful, courageous, confident, amazing, wanted, etc. The words ‘beautifully broken, and perfectly flawed are on there… and it’s completely okay to be. I started saying it every single day, and it took a little while to believe it, and seeing myself that way. But after that little while, I started seeing myself as that beautiful, valuable, loved woman. And the entire mindset about myself started switching from a negative view to start seeing things from a positive perspective.

With this I will end this week. Keep remembering to have lots of grace on yourself, and that you absolutely matter. And we’ll continue next week with what’s next 😊. Keep pushing, keep going. YOU GOT THIS!