Born with Emotions

Emotions… Something you knew was always inside of you. Some things you kept feeling. But maybe over the time you have shut them down, you stopped expressing them, and are no longer recognizing them. Perhaps you haven’t been told what it actually is, or how to deal with emotions. Let me get straight to the point on this weeks’ blog.

When were you first introduced to emotions? You probably can’t remember… Let me tell you why. Because we were born with them.

The real question is: Was it ever explained to you what emotions actually are? What were you told about them? Were you taught how to recognize them, and deal with them? Or were you simply shut down when you had questions about them, or tried to express them? How was it presented to you when you first tried to figure them out, and express them?

When you were a baby, you showed so much emotion, and it was completely okay. As a matter of fact… babies are encouraged to show emotion. When a baby shows emotion, it is a way to communicate, since they can’t talk yet. Maybe the family tried to make you smile because it is sooooo cute, or because they wanted to take ‘the perfect family’ picture.

But then as you grew a little bit older, it wasn’t okay anymore to express feelings. It went from one extreme to another, and oftentimes without explanation. That’s when things go wrong! Our society it is teaching that expressing emotions is not a good thing. Society likes to say that ‘expressing emotions is a weakness’. And that’s a lie. As a matter of fact, being able to express emotions in a healthy way is a huge strength.

Can I Keep them in Check?

So, we continue having feelings, and emotions, but have no idea what to do with them. They don’t leave, or disappear, and we end up deciding to numb them, in order for no one to see us having them, and that is unhealthy. Humans are great pretenders. We like to pretend because we don’t want people to think we are ‘crazy’, or ‘too emotional’, or ‘uncontrollable’, etc. We are quick in pretending to be someone we’re not, than showing our true self. People put on a mask, and behind the ‘imposter syndrome’. That’s a big no no! We can get so lost in it, to the point where we are just not sure anymore who we actually are and were made to be.

Emotions are an amazing creation. It was put inside you the moment you were created.

Emotions let you know how you interpret things, how you feel about things. They let you know when you like something. They let you enjoy things. Emotions let you know when you’re uncomfortable. Or feel threatened so you can get yourself back into the safety zone as quickly as possible. Emotions warn you when you’re in danger. They let you know when you’re cold, so you can get a jacket and not catch a cold. They let you know when you’re mad, or are impatient. Think about it… Emotions are absolutely phenomenal. Perhaps you just haven’t been able to see it as that, because they were imaged to you as a bad thing as you grew up. It could’ve been you trying to express them, but you were shut down or belittled for having them, so you just started numbing them. Emotions need to be validated!

So I Just Wild Out Then?

Here is an important thing about emotions though… If we can’t manage them to a certain extent, then we let emotions overtake us, and that’s not good either. It’s important to find a good and healthy balance, and not allowing emotions controlling our life. What am I saying here? I’m saying DON’T base your life on emotions, but DO recognize them.

The way you react and respond emotionally gives you an idea about what you do and don’t like as a person. Emotions are messengers coming from inside you, letting you know about different things you encounter in life. But they are not what defines you. Emotions are not what makes you, or says who you are, or ought to be! Emotions tell you things that you like, and don’t like… and sometimes they can tell you about strengths and weaknesses you have, which is completely okay.

I Don’t Know what I Feel…

Let’s try something a little different this week… With every situation we will be in, or will have to face, let’s try to identify our feelings we feel. Once identifying the feelings, ask yourself what the root cause of those feelings are. And not just the negative feelings, the positive ones too. Recognize and acknowledge your emotions. Feel it. It is okay to feel it… just don’t react or respond on them. Once you recognize them, start thinking about what it could’ve been that makes you feel that way. Was it the actual moment? Was it what happened in that moment? Or was it something in that moment that re-triggered an old memory that made you feel that way all over again? Recognize it, and you’ll start coping with them.

You can’t completely control emotions, but you shouldn’t let emotions control you either. Here is what I mean by that. Have those emotions, feel them, recognize them, and then manage them in a healthy way. You recognize them, and then choose when and how to express them (and also to whom). If you’d prefer not to share them with anyone, that’s okay too, but make sure you journal and write down how you feel so you can get it all out of your system, and not suppress them.

It’s Been a Habit All my Life

I had an issue of falling into negativity and negative thinking too quickly. In order to work on that, my therapist had me do one small exercise every evening that changed the whole way of thinking and perspective. Every night I had to write 3 things down I am grateful for. Many times small things happening in that day, and other times general things that I’ve been taking for granted for a while, and just haven’t recognized for quiet a while. Because of that, now, I can go through the day and recognize so many small and big things that I am so very grateful for.

It’s a small exercise that helped me finding healthy ways to deal with uncomfortable emotions. It helped me identify and replace the unhealthy thought patterns that I’ve dealt so long with. Once the pattern changed, I recognized the previous, unhealthy patterns. And there are so many other great thought-exercises out there that help training and exercising your way of thinking to a healthy way, one small step at a time.

So What Do I Do Then?

With that said… NO MORE SUPPRESSING EMOTIONS. No more emotional numbness. Enough avoiding to express what you really feel. Recognize when you first started doing so, and why. Maybe it was when you were very young and tried to express yourself, but weren’t validated. What you were trying to express was being portrayed like it didn’t matter. What you felt wasn’t validated. Maybe it was in a relationship a while back where fear of losing him or her crept it, or being afraid of hurting them if you would tell them how you really felt. So you just kept your emotions and feelings to yourself. Now, we are going to do the complete opposite.

We are going to start breaking it here and now. Small steps, and maybe start with the positive ones since those are a little easier to recognize and share, and then slowly start with the not so comfortable ones. Remember, this takes time. We are talking about breaking a habit and way of thinking we’ve been doing the entire life. Breaking a habit takes at least 63 days, so be patient with yourself. Give yourself time, and lots of grace! You can do this!