There are and will be moments we feel misunderstood and unheard in life. There is no way to escape it. When there are other people, there will be misunderstandings. Understand that every single person is different and unique. People think differently. People have been brought up differently. Humans have different opinions based off different things they’ve experienced and seen throughout life. Every single person is wired different. That’s just how it is. But when you’re feeling unheard and misunderstood, it’s frustrating. And many people have no idea what to do with it and how to handle it.
The thing is, when you refuse to deal with it and just let it sit there for too long, it turns into anger, rejection and your mind will start playing games with you in the kind of way that is not healthy. You start reading into things that were never there in the first place. Then you over-think it all… Next thing you know, you’re having this huge fight that brings up a million other things than what the original ‘fight subject’ actually was. You start accusing a loved one of something that never was said or done, because your mind is somewhere completely different now. So not dealing with the original misunderstanding, makes it all a whole lot worse than it needs to be.
Of course it’s not easy to deal with things like these, but it is absolutely necessary. And that is what maturity is. I promise, once you get over the first hurdle, it’ll become easier and easier every time you do it.
The Pain when Being Misunderstood
When not feeling heard or misunderstood, you feel a pain. But that’s what it is… a feeling. An emotion in that moment. How do you handle that pain? What do you do with that pain? As mentioned before, others will make us feel that way. Maybe not on purpose, but it happens. So here is the real question, why are we feeling the way we are feeling about it? Could it be triggered by something we keep in our mind from the past? Was it an event where you felt like you were overheard by your family? Was it a best friend you used to have that would always ignore your opinion when you had one too? Why are we feeling so personally attacked by a misunderstanding, and how are we supposed to approach it in a healthy way?
Misunderstood by the People We Love
Feeling unheard and misunderstood is an incredibly difficult situation to be in, especially when it’s by those closest to us. Whether it’s within friendships, romantic relationships or family, learning how to cope with this tough emotion can help you take steps towards healthier, meaningful connections. You’ll finally figure out how to build healthy relationships you’ve longed so long for. Sure, you want to bring your opinion across, but how are you supposed to do that without yelling and screaming at another person? How are you supposed to handle that emotional pain you’re feeling? What needs to be done to overcome feelings of being unheard and misunderstood? What do you do when you feel misunderstood? Today, that’s what we’ll talk about… Understanding how to cope with feeling unheard and misunderstood.
I’m sure you’ve asked yourself before… ‘How do I talk to someone when I feel unheard?’. What did you do with those thoughts? Did you just shut them down? Did you try to express yourself, but it went down south because you just didn’t know how to do it in a healthy way, so it ended up in even more hurt and pain than it originally was?
Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s something we often don’t do. We simply ignore what we feel. Many times, it is simply because we want to people-please. We want them to be okay, so we’d rather ignore how we feel in the moment. That’s not healthy. Sometimes we do it, because we’re scared. We’re afraid that if we tell them, they might get upset and we could lose them. It’s a thought that is messing with us based off an experience we’ve had in the past. So how are you supposed to express what you feel if you don’t even know what you’re actually feeling yourself?
It’s important to acknowledge the feelings that come with feeling unheard and misunderstood. Taking the time to understand your emotions will give insight into why you’re feeling this way and how best to move forward. Focus on understanding yourself and talk through what’s making you feel this way. Once you’ve identified these feelings, take steps towards addressing them in a healthy manner.
Practice Clear Communication
Another very important point many of us have avoided a lot is communication. Some of us, because we simply didn’t understand or know how to communicate in a healthy manner. But I’m sure you’ve heard this before… The most important need of a healthy relationship is communication.
The key to dealing with feeling unheard and misunderstood is to practice clear communication. In order to reduce the feelings of being ignored and misunderstood, it is important to develop more effective communication strategies. Start by taking a moment to step back and reflect on the topic at hand before responding with your thoughts.
Take the time to really listen and try to understand the perspective of others. It doesn’t mean you have to accept it, or adapt to it, but listen to it. Ask clarifying questions if needed, and make sure to establish common ground. It also helps to speak your truth – be honest when communicating how you’re feeling in an open and respectful way.
Additionally, using active listening techniques such as repeating what someone said can demonstrate that you are hearing and understanding their point of view. Be sure to observe non-verbal cues when communicating as well for additional insight into another person’s opinion or attitude. Lastly, showing patience and understanding towards the other person can help bridge any gaps in communication. Keep in mind, judgement is not allowed in this, that shuts it all down. That’s not what we are trying to do here.
Recognize the Signs of Feeling Unheard & Misunderstood
It’s important to recognize if and when you feel like someone is not understanding your point of view or making an effort to listen to your perspective. Signs that you are being ignored or misunderstood may include feeling unheard, disrespected, unappreciated, invalidated, shut down or disregarded. If you find yourself feeling this way in relationships, take a step back and assess how best to address the problem.
Once you recognize those signs, it’s time to address and manage misunderstandings. You need to be able to communicate in a healthy way in order to address this the right way. Let’s be real here, there are times when we feel a certain way, but the other person was not trying to do that at all. How are we supposed to know for sure what they actually really meant and said, unless we ask and talk about it? Maybe we feel disregarded because we didn’t finish the discussion… but maybe the other person had an interruption in that moment we didn’t know about and simply forgot about what we talked about before that interruption. So just communicate to clear the air.
Figure out the Source of the Conflict
It’s important to try to determine the source of the conflict that is leading to you feeling unheard and misunderstood. Conflict can be caused by differences in values or beliefs, communication gaps, a lack of respect for one another, competing expectations or preferences, a lack of trust or different perceptions on how things should go. Identifying the specific issue at hand will help you develop an appropriate solution.
It may be helpful to provide reasons for why you feel unheard or misunderstood in order for the other person to gain understanding of how you feel. Keep in mind that timing is everything when communicating with someone else so try to find a good balance between patience and feeling heard.
Deal with Facing Consequences or Moving on
Once the communication has been made, it’s essential to be prepared to face any potential consequences that may come along with voicing your concerns. It’s also important to know when it’s time to move on and accept whatever outcome comes up. Accepting that there are some situations in life that you can’t control is key, but figuring out the best way forward can help in making progress. If a resolution is not possible, consider looking for ways you can learn from this situation and make changes for future interactions.
There will be times where you’ll have to agree to disagree and that’s okay. Again, people will have different opinions on different things. There will be times and moments you’ll feel misunderstood, that you’ll just have to let go and move on from. If you can’t get your point across to the other person, it could just be because that person is not ready yet. That’s okay. Just because they don’t agree with it, doesn’t mean they won’t think about it. But you, expressing it, is what helps you to get it out of your own system and being able to move on and let it go.
Spend Time with Friends Who “Get You”
I can’t say it enough… It’s important to surround yourself with people who understand and appreciate you. Who is in your corner? Choose friends that are kind, compassionate, and able to listen without judgement. Spend time with these people whenever possible – whether in person or by phone – so you can talk about anything that’s bothering you. This way, if the issue is something difficult to discuss with your loved ones or family, you will have a support system of good friends to fall back on when feeling unheard or misunderstood.
I’ll leave you with this… Once you get into the habit of being able to discuss feeling unheard or misunderstood in a healthy way with another person, you’ll recognize a huge difference in your relationships. When you deal with feeling unheard and misunderstood, you’ll start reclaiming your power. When you deal with the situation, you work towards the healthy, meaningful relationships you have been longing for. So know, it is absolutely worth the effort! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!