Finding Closure & Moving Forward

In life, we need closure. It is a necessity. We deal with things and struggle with situations that need closure in order for us to overcome. When we refuse to find closure, we simply stay stuck. Often, we don’t want to deal with the situation. It’s no fun, it’s painful, maybe we are just not ready to let go, so we’d rather run from it and avoid dealing with it. But in order to move forward and let go, finding closure plays a huge role in it.

Everyone has times in life when they feel the need to find closure. It’s completely normal. Whether it’s unresolved issues from a major relationship, unresolved trauma from a traumatic event, or something else entirely, it’s important to understand how to release the hurt and pain of the past in order to move forward with confidence. Today, we’ll look at several elements that can aid the process of finding closure. As always, know these are just some examples, there are always many more in case these don’t work for you. This is just a beginning, a place to start at.

What Closure Actually Is

What are we talking about when we speak of closure? Closure means we are closing something down, we end something. We often talk about closure when it’s physical (example: House closure). However, this is very important emotionally too. You experience closure when you come to the terms of ending a relationship. Once you find closure, you are ready to move on. Find the closure you need and make it happen for yourself. Learn about the power of closure. Do you see where I’m going with this?

A lot of people think that closure is only possible with ‘a last conversation’. Or a specific explanation. I am here to tell you, you can get the closure you’ve longed so long for, no matter what. It doesn’t have to be with meeting a person, or talking with the person that caused the pain, or have questions for. No, closure actually starts with you. As long as you avoid finding closure, you are giving the past relationship, or situation the power it does not deserve. When you deal with it to find closure, you’re doing it for you! It all happens within you. Discover how to find and use it, so that you can reach your full potential and start achieving success. You are worth it!!

The Purpose of Closure

People seek closure at the finality, the end of something. Some people need closure after a relationship. Others are looking for closure after a death. Certain people are needing closure to deal with grief and trauma. There are people needing it to overcome toxicity in a relationship with a friend or family member even. You search for answers to unresolved things in order to overcome it and let it go.

Here is the thing… When you keep seeking closure, but don’t let go, it actually holds you back from moving forward. So don’t use closure as a crutch to hold you in the comfort zone and just to stay close to what you are familiar with. NO. That’s not what it is for. You no longer want to hold on to something that doesn’t serve you any longer. That’s the baggage we need to let go of in order for us to be and do better going forward.

Oftentimes, things are left unsaid. The good part is, you don’t need every question you have answered to find the peace you seek to move on. There are so many other ways to find that longed closure and peace, and that’s what we’re going to look at today. When closure is done the right way, it is used to move on from the past.

Acknowledging Your Feelings

Where do we start? Acknowledging your feelings about whatever you’re trying to find closure for is an important first step in the journey to resolution. Often it can be difficult to name or accept our feelings, but learning to do so can help us move towards closure and healing. Once we are able to recognize, label, and express our feelings in a healthy manner, we will be closer to finding peace of mind.

Recognize what you feel. It is okay if you are angry or hurt. If you feel sadness or struggle with things you are just not sure about yet, how you truly feel about it. That’s why we acknowledge the feelings, so we start recognizing what it actually is. By us recognizing the different emotions and feelings, it also helps us to bring some order into our mind about it all. At first it might seem like a huge cluster, with no understanding. By us organizing it all a bit, it starts to give us more understanding.

If you feel tears, that’s a great way to release hard emotions. You are allowed to cry. Our body has been created with tears flowing from it to release emotions, so we are definitely allowed to do so. Think back about a time when you cried, do you remember how much better you felt once they’ve been released? Let it out!

Getting to the Root Cause of the Emotions

Once you identify your feelings and allow yourself to experience them fully, the next step involves understanding what caused these feelings. It’s important to acknowledge the underlying cause that triggered these emotions. Ask yourself questions like “why am I feeling this way?” by investigating standards or expectations you have set upon yourself, or uncovering the source of hurtful past events that may still be impacting your current situation. You don’t need to relieve any blame from yourself; rather focus on self-exploration as a healing exercise.

Taking Responsibility

One of the most important elements of closure is responsibility – taking responsibility for your reaction, words and actions. Now, let me say this though… ONLY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS, NOT THE ONES YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER (THE OTHER PERSON’S). It is not your job to fix, or take on other people’s mistakes and irresponsibility.

It’s often hard to do, but only if you recognize your own accountability you’ll move on to healthier patterns in the future. Once you make a conscious decision to take responsibility, reflect on what you can learn from the experience in order to avoid repeating it again. This will ultimately give you greater power and clarity going forward. And that’s what we’re trying to do with the closure process, to take the control back and do better going forward. That’s why we do this. Finding closure is for our personal growth.

Forgive!

Once you take responsibility, forgive yourself! Fully forgive yourself. You are human. As humans, we make mistakes. Every single one us. Instead of condemning yourself about and for it, see it as a lesson. Take it as a lesson to do better going forward. Just see your mistakes as growth lessons. Making mistakes allow you to recognize them and grow. That’s what maturity is. Forgive yourself!

Then forgive others. People that were involved. The person that caused you pain. Forgive the person that has done nothing to help you. Forgive. Keep in mind, you are not forgiving for them, you forgive for yourself. The best part is, you will never have to tell them, or let them know you decided to forgive if you don’t want to. It’ll help you to focus on bettering yourself and move on.

There were so many situations I haven’t let go of before. Until not too long ago, there was a lot of unfinished business in my life, that I needed to let go of. Not having closure was an excuse I unconsciously used to hold on to the issues and problems I had to experience in the past. For one, I thought it was my responsibility to fix it all. And two, I thought I couldn’t get full closure unless I talk to the responsible people that caused the pain. Until I saw a therapist that told me different.

Actions to Take to Get Closure

Shortly after several sessions, she told me to write letters. Simple letters where I got to say goodbye. In those letters I wrote out everything I felt, everything I thought, how I took it all, that I am moving on and letting it all go going forward. It allowed me to release all those emotions that were stacked up for years and years. I didn’t have to send that letter anywhere to release it all. As a matter of fact, I burned them afterwards and it felt absolutely amazing. Try it! It did amazing things for me.

Don’t allow the past events block your progress. It’s time to learn how to approach closure by embracing the elements proven to help you reclaim control and make things better for what lays ahead of you. Growth and progress doesn’t happen if you stay stuck where you were in the past. Once you figure out the tools you need to move on from the past, you get to enter into a brighter tomorrow.

Fining closure allows you to feel that any confusing, any upsetting, any traumatic event you’ve experienced has been resolved. If not fully resolved, you’ll definitely be able to work through it in a much better, easier way. That’s one of the big benefits of achieving closure in life. You get to mentally move on after closure.

The Assignment 😉

Over the next couple of weeks, pay attention to how you feel. Give yourself permission to feel everything you feel without judgement. Pay attention to it. What comes up? In what situation? Around whom? Where could that come from? After giving yourself a little time to heal, see if you can go back to a couple of memory places where you have a past at, to create new, positive memories there now. That helps you move forward and feel empowered. Last but not least, release those emotions. Allow yourself to cry. Write those letters. Journal. Talk to the amazing friends that are standing in your corner. Release them the way it works for you. Let them out! Keep me posted and let me know how it all goes for you. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!