I know you’ve heard of anger management before. Of course you have. Ever since being a kid, we’ve been told to keep our anger in check, right? That’s much easier said than done. Depending on the situation, managing the anger you feel can be a lot easier than in others. But what about some things that were completely out of your control? What about when it comes to injustice that was done to you? Here you are, hurt and broken. Every now and then, there is a trigger in your life that re-kindles that anger within you for something that was never your responsibility to deal with. Yet, here you are. Hurt. Mad. What are you supposed to do with that? Your heart is crying out for healing from injustice. You’ve been trying to manage the anger that is caused by other’s actions. And yet, you’re stuck.
The Must of Anger Management
Let me start by saying this: Anger is a natural and healthy emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. It’s when anger becomes uncontrollable or prolonged, that it can lead to negative consequences for both ourselves, and those around us. Anger management is a crucial skill that helps you regulate your emotional responses, and helps you let go of anger that is caused by things outside of your control.
It sucks. It’s not fair. I know it’s not! However, you have to deal with it for your own benefit. What’s really hard to deal with is that the person that caused that pain within you, that keeps making you feel that anger, is out there living life not caring how you feel. While you are here, not sure what you should do with that emotion you are feeling. What they have done to you, still hurts you, while they are not giving a crap about it. The anger you feel is valid and understandable. However, holding onto that anger can be detrimental to your mental and physical health. Now is your time for healing from injustice.
Anger Management to Take Back What is Yours
You have to cope with the anger resulting from past injustice. It’s time to unpack the unfair done to you in your life. If you won’t, it will affect you, your life and the people that you love and care about. It can block you from greatness, happiness, blessings, a phenomenal life and so many other things. So, this is the time to take charge. Yes, it’s not fair, but it is necessary to do as you start valuing yourself. You have to find closure so you can move forward.
This is the moment in your time to overcome anger and letting go of what wasn’t your responsibility in the first place. But how? You thought you’re done with it and have completely overcome it. But then you have that moment when that anger is being triggered all over again. You’re not sure who to talk to about it, because you’re not sure why it has come all back up again. So what are you supposed to do now? You are doubting yourself now… and just don’t know what to do. How are you supposed to deal with it? Why are you supposed to do anger management if it wasn’t something you did to yourself anyways?
To Live and Live to the Fullest
Here is why. You matter!!! Perhaps you’ve had a childhood, or young adulthood and had nobody else showing you care and love throughout life. Now is time you show care to yourself. You owe it to yourself. Anger management is for that. You deal with the anger that has been caused by others so that you can live life and live it to the fullest. You do anger management in order to forgive so you can experience love, so you can experience care. Anger can cause fear within you. The anger management allows you to break down those walls you’ve built up around you because you’ve been so scared that others might do the same to you.
Today is the day where we talk about how to overcome anger caused by people throughout life and let go. This is the day to figure out strategies for moving on from past events and letting go of anger. We are here to talk about the strategies that will help you manage the emotions, become aware of your triggers, and properly express yourself, in a healthy way for yourself from here on forth. Keep in mind, that is a change that takes time, so be patient with yourself.
Understanding Anger Issues
Before we dive into specific strategies to manage anger, it is important to understand the root causes of anger issues. While everyone experiences anger, some of us may struggle with anger more than others. And that’s okay. Common causes of anger issues include Childhood Trauma. When a person experiences childhood trauma, it can be very difficult to manage their emotions as an adult. Childhood trauma can include any type of physical or emotional abuse, neglect or witnessing violence, and many other things.
Another common cause of anger issues is the mental health issues. Mental health challenges, such as anxiety, bipolar disorder, or depression can play a huge role in anger issues. Also, substance abuse is a very common cause as well. Drugs and alcohol can impair judgement and exacerbate anger issues. Stay away from them, especially when dealing with things emotionally. Those are not the answer you’re looking for.
Life stressors, such as chronic stress from work, relationships or financial issues can contribute to anger as well and is a common cause of anger issues in today’s time and society. Last, but not least… and not many people talk about is Personality traits. Certain personality traits, such as impulsiveness or a tendency to overreact, can lead to anger issues. If you are not sure what your root causes are, please speak with a mental health professional. I promise, many of us have done that and they’ve walked us right through it all, one step at a time. I have absolutely no regrets. Now, let’s look at some of the strategies to let go.
Strategies to Let Go of Anger Caused by Things Out of Your Control
Of course there are many different strategies to let go of that anger that keeps coming up within you. There are short-term anger management strategies, for when you are right in the moment, and then there are long-term strategies that are needed for the long-term healing taking place within you. As always, know that you are not limited to these. There are many many more out there. These are just some ideas and examples that could work for you.
In anger management you have to have a perspective. Be completely honest with yourself and try to gain perspective on the situation. What do I mean by that? Ask yourself, is this event going to matter in a year? What about in five years? Is it worth holding onto anger over something that is relatively minor in the grand scheme of things? Here is the thing… It already happened and nothing you will do out of anger will change it. So see it as it truly is.
Another great strategy is gratitude. Practice gratitude for the things in your life that bring you joy and happiness. Focusing on the positive aspects of your life can help shift your perspective and reduce feelings of anger. It was funny when my therapist first told me to write down three things every evening I was grateful for, because I struggled to think about even three simple things. But once I did that, the whole perspective on life changed. At first it was just simple basic things, but in the long run it allowed me to see so many great things every single day that I can be grateful for. Everything turned around for the good.
How to Overcome Anger Caused by Past Events
One of the very important strategies that many struggle with is acceptance. To accept what happened is hard. Especially when it was absolutely not your fault, and you had no control over it at all. But in order to let it go you have to accept what happened and that it was out of your control. To overcome the anger from it, you got to acknowledge your emotions and fully allow yourself to feel them without judgement.
Another huge and very important step in anger management is forgiveness. Forgiveness is tough, it’s not easy to do. But forgiveness is a very powerful tool for letting go of anger. Please understand that forgiving someone does not mean that you condone their actions, but that you are releasing yourself from the anger and resentment that their actions caused. Always know that when you forgive, you do it for you… not for the other person.
Last but not least, another great thing that helps is self-care. For me, that was really hard for a very very long time also. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just didn’t really know how to. I wasn’t sure what that meant and what it included. You have to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Remember when we talked that you owe it to yourself to recharge? Yes! Exercise, eat healthy, make sure you get enough sleep, and engage in activities that bring you joy? What do you like to do? Not your best friend, not your parents, not your significant other… but YOU!
The First Step to Start with
Identify triggers. Identify the specific events or situations that trigger your anger. This can help you prepare for and manage your emotional response. But how are you supposed to do that without recognizing where it’s coming from first?! So, pay attention to that this week, and be honest with yourself about it. Also, practice mindfulness. Take a time out. Step back from the situation, process how you’re feeling, and understand what triggered your emotions. Then do something that helps you calm down. Go for a walk, listen to your favorite song, read… whatever it is that helps you. Once you calm down, see if you are comfortable enough to address the issue.
Practice deep breathing. It really helps when you’re caught in the anger moment. No joke. It reduces the stress and helps you gain control of the anger. When you breathe in through your nose 4 seconds, hold it for another 4, and then release it for about 8 seconds, focuses your mind, relaxes your body and removes the hot anger feeling inside you. Try it!
There is so much more I want to tell you about this, but I can’t keep you on this page for too long now 😉. So I am going to finish here with this blog. Have a phenomenal, successful, incredible week. I know you got this and can do this. This is the time to let it all go and feel the freedom you deserve to live the life you’ve been blessed with to the fullest! Keep me posted and I’ll talk to you next week!